Summer Fun as a Family

The taste of ice cold lemonade, the feeling of the cool grass between your toes, the sounds of children laughing, the smell of sunscreen and chlorine, and seeing your neighbors in their yards… ahh, summer time is finally here! It doesn’t matter your age or what your work schedule looks like, this time of year seems to bring out the fun in most of us. For our kids it is the break they have been looking forward to since New Year. For adults, it reminds us of our own youth and how carefree we felt in the summer. Summer is a great time to reconnect as a family and to strengthen our relationships with each other. Beware, summer is fleeting! Start planning some fun things to do as a family now.

Try some of these suggestions to make some summer family fun of your own:
Sleep under the stars in your own backyard
Have a water fight
Go for a picnic
Play tag
Blow bubbles
Tend a garden
Build a butterfly or fairy garden
Go on a summer nature hunt
Have a hula hoop, jump rope, or basketball throwing contest
Climb a tree
Go play on the slide, swings, merry-go-round at your local park

A tried and true family fun time is available at your local library. Most libraries have at least a summer reading program and many have something several times a week to keep kids of all ages engaged during the summer. Call your local library or visit their website to see what is planned. Many events are for the whole family. In addition, you can always come up with fun things to do as a family around the resources at the library. You can do a reading challenge as a family, borrow movies or music to use as a family, find a cookbook and cook a recipe together, research something at the library and then go do it in real life as a family. Library cards are free. The possibilities with a library card are endless.

Check out your local nature center. They have several activities each season that are free or minimal charge. Kids are amazed at how each visit to the local nature center is a whole new adventure. They will see or discover something new each time they go. Here is a list of the nature center in Colorado. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_nature_centers_in_Colorado.

Speaking of nature, if you live in the Pueblo area there is a great day camp for middle school students through the CSU Extension call Pueblo Youth Naturally. They are always looking for adult volunteers. What a great way to bond with your kids this summer by participate in a camp with them. The cost is $25 for the full week and includes entrance into all outings, transportation to all outings, snacks, and lunch. For more information go to http://pueblo.colostate.edu/pyn/pyn.shtml. If you live in other parts of the state check with your community colleges, universities and cooperative extensions to see what they are offering this year.

Here in Colorado you can find a list of free events by going to www.freeindenver.com/denver-free-days. You will find list for free days at local museums, the zoo and other attractions, movies in the park, free concert series, etc. The majority of these are in the Denver Metro area, but there are some things listed for other parts of the state if you do not feel like a trip to Denver.

Another great site for the Denver/Boulder areas is http://www.milehighonthecheap.com.

If you are living in the Colorado Springs area check out http://springsbargains.com.

Colorado Parents magazine puts out a list every month of free and low cost family-friendly events around the state. You can find their magazine in various locations across the state, including medical office and restaurants. They also have an online publication at coloradoparent.com, including an annual publication dedicated to “Everything Family”.

These are just a few of the free things you can do to make some family memories this summer. Get out there and remember what you loved about being young and carefree. Kids love to see their parents having fun alongside them.

For more suggestions on ways to have fun and build memories as a family, additional ways to support your family and for other great parenting tips call the Family Support Line at 1-877-695-7996 OR 1-866-Las-Familias (866-527-3264) for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail stacy@FamiliesFirstColorado.org with questions or concerns. Check us out on Facebook at Families First Colorado. The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.

"Kids—You Can't Beat 'em."

“Kids-You can’t beat ‘em”, was one of the first logos in 1983, when President Reagan proclaimed April to be the first National Child Abuse Prevention Month. I love the dual meaning of this statement. We can’t be physically aggressive with kids. But equally as important, is the message that there is special value in children. Thirty years later, we continue to promote the value of our children and their families, as well as the fact that every member of the community has a responsibility to help prevent child abuse and neglect.

If you would like information on how to get involved in promoting the value of children and families, give us a call on the Family Support Line, at 877-695-7996 or via email at stacy@FamiliesFirstColorado.org.
Preventing child abuse and neglect can sound like an overwhelming task, but it really comes down to some basic things that we all can do to help strengthen families. Research shows that there are five protective factors that help strengthen families. These factors act like buffers to stress and increase the health and well-being of children and families.

The Protective Factors are:

Concrete Supports for Parents
Social Connections and Emotional Competence
Parental Resilience
Knowledge of Parenting and of Child/Youth Development
Nurturing and Attachment

Denver Human Services did a great campaign this year for April’s Child Abuse Prevention Month that makes it easy to remember the protective factors. It is entitled 5 Ways to Keep Families Stable, Help Kids Thrive and Uphold a Strong Community:

1.) Call for Help!
2.) Surround Yourselves with Friends and Family
3.) Be a Bounce Back Family
4.) Become a Parenting Ace
5.) Help Children Express Themselves

Concrete Supports for Parents, also known as supports for basic needs, is the first protective factor that needs to be addressed. Families need to have their basic needs meet before they can focus on the other factors that will strengthen them. Find these concrete supports for your own family and help other families locate them as well. You can locate these supports within your community in a variety of ways, including local non-profits (such as the Family Support Line at Families First), faith based communities and social service agencies. These groups and agencies will partner with parents to help identify and access resources in the community such as food, clothing, housing, quality childcare, health and dental care, social-emotional services, and variety of other resources.

Another factor is Social Connections and Emotional Competence. This boils down to surrounding yourself and your children with friends and family. It is very important for both adults and children to have Social Connections. When adults have social connections they are modeling for the children around them how to interact with others and their world. The same is true for emotional competence, when we as grown-ups work on our own emotional health; we are modeling emotional wellness for our children. If you do not have supportive friends and family, consider neighbors, spiritual groups, the local child/parent play group, or your child’s school. There are a variety of places to find connections for yourself and your child. If you or another adult you know does not have a support system, consider joining a Parent Support Group. Families First offers Circle of Parents ® Support groups and can also connect you with other support groups across the state.

Parental Resilience is the ability to cope with stresses, both the day-to-day stresses, as well as the occasional crisis. This is sometimes described as being a “bounce back” person or family. Are you able to bounce back when things get tough? The other two Protective Factors we had mentioned, Concrete Support and Social Connections, can both help to increase a person’s resilience. Having someone that can help you talk through a stress increases the chance a person will bounce back from the stress.

The protective factor, Knowledge of Parenting & Child Development is becoming informed as a parent about ways to communicate with your child, set rules and expectations, and provide safe opportunities that promote independence. These things need to be done while taking the child’s current development into consideration. Healthy child development and effective parenting are connected. If you would like to learn more about effective parenting or child development consider attending a parenting class or support group.

The final protective factor is Nurturing and Attachment, last, but not least by any means! In fact, most times this is the first factor listed due to the importance of nurturing and attachment. A child’s early experience of being loved and cared for by a safe, reliable adult has an effect on all aspects of their life. It will determine how they treat others and how they allow others to treat them as they grow into adulthood. Nurturing and attachment are crucial not just when a child is young, but throughout their lives. This can set the stage for the other factors to develop.
These five factors are not only good for the parent-child relationship, but they help to decrease stress on an individual level, as well as a community level. If individuals are less stressed, then their relationships will be less stressed, which will produce a less stressed community as a whole. Pick one factor and work on fine-tuning it to increase your protection against stress. Don’t know where to find the resources, social supports, parenting classes? Need someone to listen when you are stressed or a place to Brainstorm ideas? Call Families First at 877-695-7996 or email us at stacy@FamiliesFirstColorado.org. We would love to help you tackle a protective factor!

We also have a Spanish Family Support Line at 866-527-3264 or maria@FamiliesFirstColroado.org. Check us out on Facebook at Families First Colorado. The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.

Parent Leadership, One of Our Most Valuable Resources

One of the most valuable resources our society has at our disposable is parent leadership.  February is National Parent Leadership month. Created by Parents Anonymous ® Inc. in 2004, February is set aside to recognize, honor and celebrate parents for their invaluable leadership roles in their homes and communities, as well as state, national and international arenas. This annual event acknowledges the strengths of parents as leaders and promotes awareness about the important roles parents can play in shaping the lives of their families and communities.

The state of Colorado has a variety of Parent Leadership trainings and opportunities.  The opportunities in parent leadership are as diverse as the parents who participate.  Families First has parent leadership opportunities to include participating in our Circle of Parents Support Group or volunteer opportunities to help other parents. 

Organizations, such as Families First, cannot do the work needed in the state without the help of parent leaders.  One of our current volunteers completed a program called the Family Leadership Training Institute (FLTI) and has used the skills she learned to benefit Families First, by helping at events and setting up a parent seminar for the community.  FLTI describes the program as “a first-of-its-kind family civics program”.  This same volunteer is involved in a program called National Charity League (NCL), which has mothers and their children grades 7^th-12th serve in a charitable capacity to make a tangible difference in their own communities.  Families First has benefited numerous times over the years from NCL projects.  NCL is not only developing today’s parent leaders, but is helping those leaders develop their children into the next generation of leaders.

Often, as parents, we discount the influence we have on our own children.  We fail to remember our children learn more from what they see us doing then from all the things we tell them to do.  If you want your child to be a leader, they need to see leadership modeled for them.  Children look up to their own parents more than they do any other adult in their lives.  Give them something positive to look up to, get involved as a parent leadership. 

Figure out what your passion as a parent is and find ways to share your passion with other parents and families.  Not only will you be modeling for your children, but you will be helping to make a difference to your relatives, neighbors, communities, state, nation and world.  You will be helping change one family at a time, which in turn changes the future.

For more suggestions on ways to become involved in parent leadership, volunteer at Families First,  additional ways to support your family and for other great parenting tips call the Family Support Line at 1-877-695-7996 OR 1-866-Las-Familias (866-527-3264) for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail stacy@FamiliesFirstColorado.org with questions or concerns. Check us out on Facebook at Families First Colorado.  The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.

The Importance of Fathers in Their Children’s Lives

If you knew there was one thing our nation could do to improve every area of a child’s development, would you be in support of that one thing?  Research shows children that have involvement from both a father and mother perform better in all developmental areas.  Children need their fathers to be involved.  For far too long, our country has seen fathers at best as an add-on to what mothers provide for children and in some cases fatherhood has been discounted altogether. 

Families First, Colorado Dads and the state of Colorado value the vital role fathers play in the lives of children.  The Colorado Fatherhood Council, in conjunction with Families First, is holding five Fatherhood Forums across the state this month to share information regarding the Council becoming a Practitioner’s Network as well as to obtain additional input regarding the needs and assets that can be mobilized to promote fatherhood services in Colorado.

In addition, these meetings will try to find additional people to help plan and participate in a Leadership Summit on Fatherhood and/or to be involved in the practitioner’s network.  If you would like to participate in one of these forums please register by going to this link: http://e2.ma/click/jzq7g/jzixfv/vsxdhb.

In the meantime, take a look at some of the research that clearly shows the importance of fathers in all areas of a child’s life and development.  Here are just a few of the stats that can be found online:

Children do better academically when their fathers are involved in their lives.  For example, highly involved biological fathers had children who were 43% more likely than other children to earn mostly A’s and 33% less likely than other children to repeat a grade.  They are also 70% less likely to drop out of school.  Source:  U.S. Department of Education Study 2001

Children with more involved fathers experienced fewer behavioral problems and scored higher on reading achievement.  Source:  Howard, K.S., Burke Lefever, J.E., Borkowski, J.G., & Whitman, T.L. (2006).  Fathers’ influence in the lives of children with adolescent mothers.  Journal of Family Psychology, 20, 468-476.

Children have less high risk behaviors when their fathers are involved.  Even in high crime neighborhoods, 90% of children from stable 2 parent homes where the Father is involved do not become delinquents.  Source: Development and Psychopathology 1993

Adolescent girls raised in a 2 parent home with involved Fathers are significantly less likely to be sexually active than girls raised without involved Fathers.  Source: Journal of Marriage and Family, 1994

Father involvement is important for all ages.  Even very young children who have experienced high father involvement show an increase in curiosity and in problem solving capacity.  Fathers’ involvement seems to encourage children’s exploration of the world around them and confidence in their ability to solve problems.  Source:  Pruett, Kyle D. 2000. Fatherneed:  Why Father Care is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child.  New York:  Free Press.

Child Welfare Information Gateway summed it up this way; studies suggest that fathers who are involved, nurturing and playful with their infants have children with higher IQs, as well as better language and cognitive skills.  “Toddlers with involved fathers go on to start school with higher levels of academic readiness.  They are more patient and can handle the stresses and frustrations associated with schooling more readily than children with less involved fathers”.  They go on to state, “One study of school-aged children found that children with good relationships with their fathers were less likely to experience depression, to exhibit disruptive behavior, or to lie and were more likely to exhibit pro-social behavior.  This same study found that boys with involved fathers had fewer school behavior problems and that girls had stronger self-esteem.  In addition, numerous studies have found that children who live with their fathers are more likely to have good physical and emotional health, to achieve academically and to avoid drugs, violence and delinquent behavior”.

If you want to have an impact on children and their future, please share the message of the importance of fathers and mothers in the lives of children.  Come on Colorado, let’s champion the cause of Fatherhood!

For more information on Fatherhood Programs, father involvement and additional ways to support your family and for other great parenting tips call the Family Support Line at 303-695-7996 OR 1-866-Las-Familias (866-527-3264) for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail stacy@FamiliesFirstColorado.org with questions or concerns. Check us out on Facebook at Families First Colorado.  The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.

Midnight Milkshakes, Blanket Forts, and Other Family Fun

One of the best ways to develop relationships and build confidence is to have fun together as a family.  I just discovered there is a month long celebration aimed at that very thing, strengthening families and building healthy, confident kids.  National Family Month is exactly what it sounds like, a celebration of family.   It runs annually from Mother's Day to Father's Day. 

An easy way to have fun with your kids is to remember what you enjoyed when you were their age and then do it with them.  Blow bubbles, fly a kite, build a blanket fort, play marbles, have a water fight, play tag, climb a tree, lay in the yard and watch the stars.  There are so many options that are free or low cost, but will have a huge return on your investment.

One of my fondest memories of my dad is of him getting on the floor with me and teaching me how to play jacks.  Picture this, a large Army Sergeant, who was also a third degree black belt in Karate, sitting on the floor with a seven-year-old in pigtails.  Quite the picture, makes most people laugh, but it left a huge impact on me.  It made me feel special and showed me that he really cared when he got down on my level and taught me something new.   

Speaking of laughing, remember that anything that gets the whole family laughing is probably a good place to start.  Remember the goal is to laugh with one another, not at each other.  Laughing is a huge way to relieve stress and can be contagious.  Watch a funny movie together, read a book of jokes together, tell funny stories about when you were a kid, tell funny stories about when your kids were babies.  Kids love to hear stories about themselves when they were little.  Remember to build family jokes that are specific to your family and then bring those up when everyone needs a little stress relief.

Make family dinners fun!  There are some great ways to have fun at the dinner table.  Have a night when everything you serve is finger foods and no silverware is used.  If you are really brave, serve a regular meal without silverware.  Do a meal in reverse, eating dessert first.  Or better yet, just have dessert for the meal.  Do a progressive dinner, where you start at one restaurant or house and eat a course and then move to another place for the next course.  Let the kids plan, shop, and help cook a meal.  Put food coloring in something (for example, make green mashed potatoes or red oatmeal).  Do the switch-a-roo, everyone order something different for dinner and then switch plates half way, a third of the way, or a fourth of the way through the meal. 

Be silly and spontaneous!  Sometimes as adults we become very task oriented and serious.  Do something completely out of character for you and see if it doesn’t get a laugh or smile out of the rest of the family.  Make a funny face when they aren’t expecting it, use silly voices when you are reading to them, put your clothes on inside out or backwards, have a pj day, get them up at midnight and make milkshakes.

Remember, when people are engaging in something fun they are more willing to try something they have never tried before and to be less critical of themselves.  Trying new things helps to build confidence.  Trying something new with others strengthens bonds and attachments.

For more suggestions on ways to engage in family fun, build confident children, additional ways to strengthen and support your family, and for other great parenting tips call the Family Support Line at 1-800-CHILDREN (800-244-5373) OR 1-866-Las-Familias (866-527-3264) for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail stacy@FamiliesFirstColorado.org with questions or concerns. Check us out on Facebook, at Families First Colorado.  The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.

THE TWO ESSENTIAL SKILLS EVERY DAD NEEDS (by Dave Taylor)

In honor of Father’s Day, a special guest post from single-dad Dave Taylor from GoFatherhood.com

THE TWO ESSENTIAL SKILLS EVERY DAD NEEDS (by Dave Taylor)

Nothing has been so profound in my life than the day my first child was born. Suddenly I went from being an adult focused primarily on myself to being a caretaker, protector and guardian to a tiny little creature, a baby so helpless that she couldn't speak, couldn't communicate her needs, and couldn't give me encouragement when I did the right thing or feedback when I was doing something wrong.

Contrary to popular belief, however, I don't think that men are born with the "great Dad gene", so learning how to go from being a typical self-absorbed adult to being an attentive, nurturing father involves effort. It involves you being able to accept criticism, ponder your behaviors, remember the good (and bad) of your own childhood, and expend effort - sometimes a lot of effort - to change who you are and how you interact with the world.

Don't worry, women aren't born with the "great Mom gene" either, by the way. They're just way better at talking about what's difficult with their pals, sharing their ups and downs, and learning through childhood play how to nurture and coddle a baby. Yup, the sad truth: while we boys were busy practicing for battle, the girls were practicing to eventually be moms. Oops. 

Still, you can learn how to be a great Dad and with three kids of my own (16,13, and 9) I figure I have a combined 38 years of parenting upon which to base my advice. Since I'm a single Dad and have been for over six of those years, it's really like a 2x multiplier, so I'm giving myself credit for 50 parenting years. We good with that? Cool.

Based on all that accumulated parenting experience, I believe that the two most essential skills that any good Dad can acquire and nurture are: LISTENING and EMPATHY.

If you're like me, you live your life at a pretty fast pace. Emails, text messages, phone calls, it's often hurry up, I've got three more things I need to deal with. That can be fun and there's a certain sense of satisfaction when lots of things can be managed simultaneously, but that's exactly the wrong approach to take with your children.

It's like that idiotic myth of "quality time". That's BS. What your kids need at all ages is ATTENTION. In large doses. That's the basis of LISTENING and the reality is that if you're busy texting your colleagues, setting up a tee time or skimming the latest spreadsheet from the boss, you're not paying attention to your children. Whether you take them to the park or are helping them with homework, they need to be front and center.

A radical experiment: when you're spending time with your children, put your devices away. Really. Unless you're a trauma doc on call, email from the boss (or wife, or girlfriend) can wait 30min or an hour. Remember that golden rule you learned in school? Model to your children the behavior you'd like to have them exhibit towards you too. (that's why I have specific acceptable cell phone use times for my teens: I hate talking to the top of their head while they're texting friends as much as I imagine they hate me doing the same thing).

Attention is important, but the reason you want to give them undivided attention is so you can LISTEN to what they're telling you. Buried in that stream of babble and trivia about their daily lives are their concerns about school, friends, family, the future, the drama of their existence, the reality of their lives. If you're not actually listening, paying attention and processing what they're telling you, they'll just learn to shut up. When they hit those teen years you'll be long since shut out and they'll be isolated or just find someone else who listens. Perhaps Mom, perhaps some gang-banger in the 'hood, perhaps that creepy old guy down the street.

The harder skill to learn is EMPATHY, however. It's one thing to listen to your children tell you what's going on, the problems they're having with the class bully or their first crush and how the teacher yelled at them even though they were innocent of the crime, but another skill entirely to CARE about what they're telling you.

I know, I know, you're busy negotiating a $5mil deal for work and a problem's come up, all while your son is telling you how he hates baseball because he can't hit the darn ball when he's at bat. His problems? Just as big to him as yours are to you. That's where you get to work on that key Dad skill: being able to take a deep breath, get out of your own world and recognize that to your son, being a better baseball player might actually be life and death important. It's certainly just as important to him as being able to close the deal is for you.

Quite frankly, empathy is something I had in short supply when I first because a father. With a crying newborn and little experience around babies (moms have us beat in that department because they socialize with other moms + babies and babysit as teens, while we're out working on our cars) I found the experience of a newborn both astonishing -- it's MY baby! -- and frustrating as heck, since I had no idea why she'd be crying, upset, irritable, not sleeping.

Here's the good news: Empathy is not only a beneficial skill for parenting, it's a good skill to have in life overall. It'll help you understand why Joe in accounting is so depressed about his cat dying even though you personally hate cats, why your sister Mary refuses to speak to Uncle Bill even though you and Uncle Bill get along splendidly, and why your daughter's tattered shoes really are a big, big deal in her world.

So there you have it, my advice for how to be a great dad on this Father's Day: learn how to LISTEN and EMPATHIZE with your children. Oh, and remember to be silly and have fun with them. Children are such a blessing, such an amazing addition to your life. Don't forget to enjoy it!

Dave Taylor has been writing about parenting and fatherhood for over a decade and maintains the popular GoFatherhood.com site where he writes about his experiences as a single dad to three wonderful children. He's also a well-known tech expert and film critic, and is completely unsurprised his kids love movies and gadgets too. Find him online at DaveTaylorOnline.com.

For additional ways to support your family and for other great parenting tips call the Family Support Line at 1-800-CHILDREN (800-244-5373) OR 1-866-Las-Familias (866-527-3264) for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail stacy@FamiliesFirstColorado.org with questions or concerns. The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.

Kids and Technology

Did you know that you could have a stranger in your home right at this moment that you are completely unaware is present?  If you or anyone in your home is communicating online or through texting with someone you do not know personally, then you are opening your home to a stranger.  Technology can be a wonderful tool, but it also can open our families, our children included, to new dangers.

A recent poll indicated that 90 percent of middle and high school student have a cell phone.  With the growth in technology and the growth in the number of youth using the technology, parents need to add new parenting tools to their tool box.  It is important that parents are teaching their children the appropriate way to use the technology and then to routinely monitor to ensure their children are doing so.  A local principal sent out an email with great parenting tips regarding cell phone usage, I have added a few ideas of my own.     

• Technology contract- Prior to the child being given a device let them know what the expectations are and how you plan to monitor their usage.  It might be helpful to put this agreement in writing and get signatures from your child.  If they already have one of these items you can still implement a contract.    
• Technology schedules- Devices, including cell phones, should be checked in with parents at bedtime to prevent children communicating through the night.  Often times it may not be your child that is initiating contact after bedtime, but if a friend does it may still disrupt your child’s sleep. 
• Building Accountability-Parents should have username and passwords for all of their kid’s devices and accounts.  This should be checked routinely to ensure that your child has not changed the passwords without telling you. Randomly monitor all of their technology.  Make sure you are reviewing their text messages, emails, etc.  Check the time they send them, who they are corresponding with, and what they are messaging.  Check the browser history on the internet browser.  See what web sites your child has been visiting.  If your child is checking their devices in at night, parents can easily check the daily activity. 
• Social networking- Check their social network accounts.  If your child tells you they don’t have a Facebook account, it is possible they are not telling you the truth.  Almost every middle school and high school student has a Facebook account, instagram account, or some other social network account that we may not have heard of.  Review their postings, get your own account and use the parent controls. 
• Photos and videos- Check the photos and video files on your child’s devices.  Make sure there is nothing inappropriate.  And if there is, discuss with them the ramifications of taking some of the photos/videos they might be taking.  Check their instagram photos.  This is where kids post pictures on the web and make comments about photos.  It is important that kids understand that once a photo is posted online or sent in a text message it is in cyberspace forever. 
• Apps- Check the Apps they download.  Make sure they are appropriate apps, and take the time to know what the apps do.  Many apps that kids download are for adults and have tracking devices on them.  There are social network apps and dating apps that track the location of the phone.  There are no filters or restrictions when kids download an app.  It is important to ensure no one is tracking your child. 
• IPods and gaming systems- Did you know that iPods now have a camera that takes photos and videos?  IPods and many gaming systems, including the hand held ones, are also able to make phone calls and access the internet now.  Make sure to check all their devices. 

For more suggestions on using technology safely, additional ways to support your family and for other great parenting tips call the Family Support Line at 1-800-CHILDREN (800-244-5373) OR 1-866-Las-Familias (866-527-3264) for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail Sarah@FamiliesFirstColorado.org with questions or concerns. The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.

One Big Happy Family.

One Big Happy Family:

How do we achieve happiness as a family, especially when you consider varying personalities, interests and communication styles? Not to mention different genders and ages, two-adult homes and one-adult homes? I recently read an article based on a book by Bruce Feiler on this very topic. He introduces some interesting facts and concepts I think worthy of sharing. In our incredibly fast paced lives, full of stress and worry how do we find peace at home?

I think most people have heard how beneficial sharing family dinner together  can be. But an alternative to that can be other meals and snacks, such as breakfast or evening when everyone is more likely to be home. It can be difficult to get children’s attention and have meaningful conversation and a car ride can be a quiet and uninterrupted time to do so. Turn off the radio and electronics and use this time for some one-on-one time.  Surveys show that children want their parents to be less stressed and tired, even more than spending time together. Having a conversation about life’s expectations, stresses, self-care and how to cope can be very valuable for children. Another suggestion for effective conversation is to arrange your living area in a circle. People feel more connected and can take in verbal and body language best from this distance range and formation.  Plan a family meeting or discuss current conflict in this setting.

The most common time of day for conflict is dinner time. To avoid or minimize conflict, set expectations in terms of what time dinner is and who is responsible for what chores in meal preparation and clean-up. Set rules for what can and cannot be discussed at family meal time. Any sensitive or emotionally charged topics can be planned for another time outside of meal time. It is recommended that children be involved in choosing and planning their own consequences inside choices that parents set. A child is more invested when they have some control and responsibility in discipline. An interesting bit of research suggests that when there is difficult parent-child discussions it is often helpful to have more than one female involved. The article states reason being, that females are typically more sensitive to everyone’s input, more capable of reaching compromise and more efficient.

The good news is that research shows most families ARE happy! 75% say that family is the most important thing to them and 85% say that the family they have today is as close as or closer than the family they grew up in! Which areas can you improve for your family to achieve greater happiness?

 For more suggestions on improving happiness in your family, additional ways to support your family and for other great parenting tips call the Family Support Line at 1-800-CHILDREN (800-244-5373) OR 1-866-Las-Familias (866-527-3264) for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail Sarah@FamiliesFirstColorado.org with questions or concerns. The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.

An Attitude of Gratitude.

With many families still struggling and even those who are not, this is an appropriate time of year to teach an attitude of gratitude.  It may be easy for kids to focus on what they don’t have or won’t get, especially compared to those of their peers. Regardless of a families’ financial situation it is helpful  to use the holidays as a time to teach family values. Any gift, whether big or small, can come from the heart keeping the recipient in mind. So what values are important to you and your family?

The holidays are considered by many to be a time of excess. Teaching anything in moderation, to include gift giving, is a valuable lesson for all. This is a lesson in quality versus quantity and with the idea of thoughtful and mindfulness at heart. For families in financial struggle this may be a time to teach humility and the idea of thankfulness for what is as opposed to what isn’t. It can be an attitude of gratitude that there IS something in the glass at all, and whether it is half-empty or half-full is irrelevant. For any family, it is important to teach and model attitudes of acceptance and non-judgment towards others. Just because a family may be currently struggling does not mean they are lazy, ungrateful, or dependent. We do not know anyone’s circumstances based on what we see from the outside.  And lastly, an attitude of genuine kindness can go a long way this season, being kind to yourself as well as to others!

For more great ideas on talking to your about the holidays, stress, giving,  more ways to support your family and for other great parenting tips call the Family Support Line at 1-800-CHILDREN (800-244-5373) OR 1-866-Las-Familias (866-527-3264) for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail Sarah@FamiliesFirstColorado.org with questions or concerns. The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.

Choices.

With the recent Presidential elections I’m thinking a lot about the power of choice, our actions and consequences of those actions. As parents we are the ones able to vote in government elections, but how do our kids get a vote or have a say? And how do we prepare the future generation of voters to consider their responsibilities as citizens, to appropriately voice their own thoughts and opinions and to consider the costs of those decisions?

                Meal time and car time are great opportunities for this type of family discussion. Many people recommend family meals occur at least 2-3 times per week and, remember, these can be at breakfast not just dinner! Car time is valuable as well when phones, music and DVD players are turned off. Give your kids the chance to ‘vote’ on current family topics. This might be a time to consider reallocating chores, meal or entertainment choices. Discuss how democracy works and other forms of government. Are your kids members of Congress and you are the President with the ultimate veto power? These discussions are great ways to find out what’s on kid’s minds and what they value and think passionately about. This also gives kids the chance to be heard and feel empowered knowing that their opinion holds some weight in the family.

                In addition, and on a broader scale, there are life lessons to be learned about having a voice. All choices, decisions and actions have consequences. Consequences may be positive or negative. We can only control what we do, we cannot control the outcome. By making better decisions and choices we weight in our favor the chances of positive outcomes. Teaching your kids they have choices, even the choice to do nothing, empowers them to have a vote in any situation they may be involved in. These lessons can improve self-respect, self-control, positive motivation and living by intention instead of by accident.  As always, role modeling how your own opinion is voiced and sharing some of the consequences you have experienced is one of the most valuable messages of all.

For more great ideas on talking to your kids about government, community, personal responsibility and more ways to support your family and for other great parenting tips call the Family Support Line at 1-800-CHILDREN (800-244-5373) OR 1-866-Las-Familias (866-527-3264) for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail Sarah@FamiliesFirstColorado.org with questions or concerns. The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.