"Kids—You Can't Beat 'em."

“Kids-You can’t beat ‘em”, was one of the first logos in 1983, when President Reagan proclaimed April to be the first National Child Abuse Prevention Month. I love the dual meaning of this statement. We can’t be physically aggressive with kids. But equally as important, is the message that there is special value in children. Thirty years later, we continue to promote the value of our children and their families, as well as the fact that every member of the community has a responsibility to help prevent child abuse and neglect.

If you would like information on how to get involved in promoting the value of children and families, give us a call on the Family Support Line, at 877-695-7996 or via email at stacy@FamiliesFirstColorado.org.
Preventing child abuse and neglect can sound like an overwhelming task, but it really comes down to some basic things that we all can do to help strengthen families. Research shows that there are five protective factors that help strengthen families. These factors act like buffers to stress and increase the health and well-being of children and families.

The Protective Factors are:

Concrete Supports for Parents
Social Connections and Emotional Competence
Parental Resilience
Knowledge of Parenting and of Child/Youth Development
Nurturing and Attachment

Denver Human Services did a great campaign this year for April’s Child Abuse Prevention Month that makes it easy to remember the protective factors. It is entitled 5 Ways to Keep Families Stable, Help Kids Thrive and Uphold a Strong Community:

1.) Call for Help!
2.) Surround Yourselves with Friends and Family
3.) Be a Bounce Back Family
4.) Become a Parenting Ace
5.) Help Children Express Themselves

Concrete Supports for Parents, also known as supports for basic needs, is the first protective factor that needs to be addressed. Families need to have their basic needs meet before they can focus on the other factors that will strengthen them. Find these concrete supports for your own family and help other families locate them as well. You can locate these supports within your community in a variety of ways, including local non-profits (such as the Family Support Line at Families First), faith based communities and social service agencies. These groups and agencies will partner with parents to help identify and access resources in the community such as food, clothing, housing, quality childcare, health and dental care, social-emotional services, and variety of other resources.

Another factor is Social Connections and Emotional Competence. This boils down to surrounding yourself and your children with friends and family. It is very important for both adults and children to have Social Connections. When adults have social connections they are modeling for the children around them how to interact with others and their world. The same is true for emotional competence, when we as grown-ups work on our own emotional health; we are modeling emotional wellness for our children. If you do not have supportive friends and family, consider neighbors, spiritual groups, the local child/parent play group, or your child’s school. There are a variety of places to find connections for yourself and your child. If you or another adult you know does not have a support system, consider joining a Parent Support Group. Families First offers Circle of Parents ® Support groups and can also connect you with other support groups across the state.

Parental Resilience is the ability to cope with stresses, both the day-to-day stresses, as well as the occasional crisis. This is sometimes described as being a “bounce back” person or family. Are you able to bounce back when things get tough? The other two Protective Factors we had mentioned, Concrete Support and Social Connections, can both help to increase a person’s resilience. Having someone that can help you talk through a stress increases the chance a person will bounce back from the stress.

The protective factor, Knowledge of Parenting & Child Development is becoming informed as a parent about ways to communicate with your child, set rules and expectations, and provide safe opportunities that promote independence. These things need to be done while taking the child’s current development into consideration. Healthy child development and effective parenting are connected. If you would like to learn more about effective parenting or child development consider attending a parenting class or support group.

The final protective factor is Nurturing and Attachment, last, but not least by any means! In fact, most times this is the first factor listed due to the importance of nurturing and attachment. A child’s early experience of being loved and cared for by a safe, reliable adult has an effect on all aspects of their life. It will determine how they treat others and how they allow others to treat them as they grow into adulthood. Nurturing and attachment are crucial not just when a child is young, but throughout their lives. This can set the stage for the other factors to develop.
These five factors are not only good for the parent-child relationship, but they help to decrease stress on an individual level, as well as a community level. If individuals are less stressed, then their relationships will be less stressed, which will produce a less stressed community as a whole. Pick one factor and work on fine-tuning it to increase your protection against stress. Don’t know where to find the resources, social supports, parenting classes? Need someone to listen when you are stressed or a place to Brainstorm ideas? Call Families First at 877-695-7996 or email us at stacy@FamiliesFirstColorado.org. We would love to help you tackle a protective factor!

We also have a Spanish Family Support Line at 866-527-3264 or maria@FamiliesFirstColroado.org. Check us out on Facebook at Families First Colorado. The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.

Mother’s Day (By Stacy Hladek)

Mother’s Day is May 12^th, that is a week from this Sunday.  There are likely to be lots of articles to suggest ways to honor your mom or help your children honor their mom.  I would like to take a different approach and speak to moms directly.  Give yourself permission to pat yourself on the back and to take a break.  Parenting is both the toughest and most rewarding job in the world.  This is a good time to remind moms (fathers too) that you have to fill your own bucket before you can fill up others.  Remember the example given on airplanes, you must put your own oxygen mask on before you help others.  If you do not, you are going to pass out and not be helpful to anyone.  In fact, you could hinder someone else as they try to care for you.  Please don’t “pass out” figuratively. 

The emotional temperature in a home is usually set by mom.  “If momma, ain’t happy, ain’t no one happy!”  Often times this phrase is taken to mean mom is in charge and things will go her way or there will be issues for the whole house.  However, I would like to suggest that what it really means, or should mean, is that mom is the barometer in the home.  Research shows that children learn about emotions and how to express them by reflecting how their primary caregiver handles emotions.  Just think about the last time you were tired, isn’t that just the time your toddler decides to throw a huge fit or your teenager was moody for no apparent reason?  It is time for you to take care of you so that you are able to take the best care of the rest of the family. 

Again, I already said pat yourself on the back and give yourself permission to take a break, but it is worth repeating .  Often times, moms have a hard time doing this for themselves.  Treat yourself the way you would your best friend.  Tell your “best friend” to take a break or not to be so hard on herself.  This is also a great way to model self-care for your children. 

I can hear the collective, “yes, but”, now.  Yes, but I don’t have childcare or I don’t have the money.  Try swapping childcare with another mom.  “I will take your kids this Monday, if you will take mine next Monday.”  Just establish the rule that this is for down time, not to go do your spring cleaning or run errands.  Use the extended family.  Aunts, uncles, grandparents, and god parents, are great mentors for our kids and are often more than willing to keep the kids for an hour or two.  Take a nap or hot bath while the kids are napping.  Make an arrangement with your partner for one night a week to be their night to care for the kids or one weekend day a month for you to get to sleep in while the rest of the family goes to get donuts.  Check with your local churches and community centers, they often have a mother’s day out program that is free or very low cost. 

Figure out what your favorite way to re-charge is and then work on a plan to make that happen at least once a month.  In doing so, you will be and even better mom.  Healthy, happy moms tend to raise healthy, happy children.  Happy Mother’s Day and thank you for all the little things you do each day to raise our future!

For more suggestions on how to take good care of yourself, emotional competency in children, additional ways to support your family and for other great parenting tips call the Family Support Line at 1-800-CHILDREN (800-244-5373) OR 1-866-Las-Familias (866-527-3264) for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail stacy@familiesfirstcolorado.org with questions or concerns. The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.