Food Pranks and Other So Called Summer Fun

Do you know what your kids are doing for summer fun?  Have you heard them talking about food challenges?  Have they mentioned the chubby bunny game, the choking game, or burns?  If you have heard them talking about any of these activities, they may be involved in potentially dangerous activities or know someone else who is involved in risky behaviors.    

The activities listed in this blog can be an issue year-round, however the risk to children and teens during the summer months is increased due to the fact that they often have less adult supervision while school is out.  In addition, they have a great deal of time on their hands.  Add the internet to the mix and you could have an accident waiting to happen.    Remember, to kids these behaviors seem harmless and humorous.  Social media has made light of these behaviors and even promoted them as the “cool” thing to do. 

So, what is a parent to do?  Educate yourself, so you can educate your kids.   The human brain is not completely developed until our early twenties, therefore kids and young adults do not always think through the consequences of their actions.  They often view themselves as invincible, they do not believe anything bad will happen to them and they surely do not believe that they could cause permanent physical damage or death to themselves.  It is our jobs as the adults to educate young people on the consequences of their actions.

Be proactive, have a conversation with your kids about these type of pranks.  A great way to do this is to use an article or news report to bring up the topic.  Use the internet to find some articles on these different challenges.

Pay attention to what your kids are viewing online.  Check their history on their computers, phones, and other electronics.  See our April blog entitled Kids and Technology for additional suggestions in this area.

Listen to what your kids are talking about.  If they are using any of the terms listed in this blog or others you have not heard before, ask them what they mean.  Most kids think these pranks are funny and want to share them with others, even their parents. 

If you find out your child is engaging in these behaviors stay calm.  You want to be the kind of parent that your kid can come talk to.  If you “freak out”, as my kids so lovingly call it, they will be hesitant to tell you things.  Give them the facts about the risks they are taking and let them know you love them and want to keep them safe.  Help them come up with “risk taking” behaviors that are appropriate, such as riding a rollercoaster or engaging in athletics.  Have a discussion with them about what motivates these type of behaviors, such as peer pressure and need to compete for status among their friends.  Help them figure out how to handle those issues in appropriate ways.

Read on to learn more about these type of “games”, pranks, and dares:

In recent months, there has been a great deal of media attention given to The Cinnamon Challenge, after a paper published in the journal Pediatrics indicated that the popular dare has resulted in numerous calls to poison control, asthma attacks in people who have never had asthma before, pneumonia, pulmonary edema (the abnormal build-up of fluid in the lungs), collapsed lungs, permanent lung damage, and some cases in which people have had to be placed on ventilators.  There are several other similar risky challenges and dares that are currently popular and circulating the web. Videos of people trying these stunts may influence your child and their friends.

The Candy Challenge, also known as the Warhead/Sour Patch Challenge, is when someone eats a large quantity of sour candy.  The challenge is to eat more than the person before you.  This challenge results in a bloody tongue and damage to taste buds due to the ascorbic acid in the candy.  In addition, as with any food challenge, there is the potential to choke on the candy.  Other possible concerns would be irritation or damage to the esophagus, stomach upset, and an increase in symptoms of heartburn.

There are other challenges that pose the potential for serious choking hazards. The Cracker/Saltine Challenge has the challenger eat five or more crackers without anything to drink.  The crackers dry out the mouth and make it very difficult to complete the challenge.  In the Chubby Bunny “game” people try to see how many marshmallows they can fit in their mouths before they can no longer say the words "chubby bunny."  This challenge has resulted in documented cases of choking deaths.  There are other similar “games” with other foods, such as bread and grapes. 

There are several different types of Chugging Challenges.  Two of the most popular are the Milk Challenge and the Water Challenge.  In the Milk Challenge the person has to drink a gallon of milk in an hour and then keep the milk down for another hour.  The human stomach can't process an entire gallon of milk in one sitting, so what happens is the person will likely have a severe case of vomiting, diarrhea, cramps, and bloating.  The kind of violent vomiting that comes from this challenge has the potential to damage the stomach lining and could result in a tear or ulceration. 

In the Water Challenge, the challenger drinks as much water as they can, while resisting the urge to go to the bathroom for as long as possible.  Drinking too much water causes fluid imbalance in your cells due to diluting the sodium in the bloodstream.  This does not only cause nausea and headaches, but can lead to brain swelling, respiratory arrest, coma, and death.  The average healthy person should ingest no more than approximately 8 ounces, in roughly an hour so that the body has adequate time to process the water appropriately. 

The Banana Sprite Challenge is to quickly eat two bananas and drink one liter of Sprite without vomiting.  Bananas are highly digestible and leave no space for the gas in the Sprite.  In addition, the potassium in the banana could react with the carbon dioxide in the sprite causing a build up of gas in the stomach causing vomiting.  A similar stunt is the baking soda and vinegar challenge.  The person takes baking soda and vinegar together, which produces gas in the stomach.  When the person vomits they are vomiting the vinegar, which is not good for your throat or lungs if you happen to some.

There are several burn games being promoted on the internet as well.  Such as ice/salt burns, eraser burns, and lighter smiley faces.  All of these challenge the person to prove they can withstand pain.  The ice and salt burn involves wetting an area of skin, covering it with table salt, and applying pressure with an ice cube. Usually, water freezes at 32 degrees Fahrenheit, but adding salt causes the freezing point to drop to as low as zero degrees Fahrenheit. When kids put ice to a salt-covered, moist area of skin, they will experience extreme pain. Depending on how long the ice stays on, there can be blistering, first- or second-degree burns, or even frostbite.

Eraser burns (aka: The ABC Test or The Sissy Test) are caused by using a pencil eraser or chunk eraser and rubbing against their skin until an opening in the skin develops.  The smiley face burn is when a person takes a lighter and keeps it lit so that the metal is extremely hot then presses the top on the lighter to your skin. The burnt imprint is a smiley face.

The problem, that most kids don’t realize, is burns can result in a severe infection. Once the wound begins to heal, they still have an opening (although scabbed) where other bacteria can enter the body and infect them, meaning they have a higher chance of Staph or Strep, skin infections (MRSA, Scalded Skin Syndrome, or Toxic Shock Syndrome),Tetanus (Lock Jaw), and diseases passed by blood and body fluids (Hepatitis and HIV).  NOT every scar heals well and they could be left with a scar for life.

Another so called game, is the Choking Game.  The participants cut off their oxygen supply to create feeling similar to being high. The game is also known as the "fainting game", "seven minutes to heaven", "tapping out" or "sleeper hold".  The person is supposed to relieve the pressure just before losing consciousness.  However, cutting off air supply with belts, ropes, or bare hands, puts kids at risk for brain damage, stroke, and even death.  In addition, if another person is helping with this game they can be held legally liable if the person being choked is injured or dies.  According to the Mayo Clinic, signs that your child is playing the choking game include unexplained bruises around the neck, frequent headaches, bloodshot eyes, and disorientation.  A study published in Pediatrics by the Oregon Health Authority and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention indicated approximately 82 kids ages six to 19 died after playing the choking game, between 1995 and 2007.  It is believed that these numbers may be even higher with the publicity that this game has been getting on social media sites.

The above are just a few of the pranks that kids are engaging in.  The pranks change often and new ones are being added to the list each year.  Keep yourself informed by doing internet searches, talking to your kids, talking to other adults, and keeping up on the media regarding current trends with kids. 

 For more information on  potentially hazardous pranks and ways to address these behaviors, additional ways to support your family and for other great parenting tips call the Family Support Line at 1-800-CHILDREN (800-244-5373) OR 1-866-Las-Familias (866-527-3264) for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail stacy@FamiliesFirstColorado.org with questions or concerns. Check us out on Facebook at Families First Colorado.  The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.

Midnight Milkshakes, Blanket Forts, and Other Family Fun

One of the best ways to develop relationships and build confidence is to have fun together as a family.  I just discovered there is a month long celebration aimed at that very thing, strengthening families and building healthy, confident kids.  National Family Month is exactly what it sounds like, a celebration of family.   It runs annually from Mother's Day to Father's Day. 

An easy way to have fun with your kids is to remember what you enjoyed when you were their age and then do it with them.  Blow bubbles, fly a kite, build a blanket fort, play marbles, have a water fight, play tag, climb a tree, lay in the yard and watch the stars.  There are so many options that are free or low cost, but will have a huge return on your investment.

One of my fondest memories of my dad is of him getting on the floor with me and teaching me how to play jacks.  Picture this, a large Army Sergeant, who was also a third degree black belt in Karate, sitting on the floor with a seven-year-old in pigtails.  Quite the picture, makes most people laugh, but it left a huge impact on me.  It made me feel special and showed me that he really cared when he got down on my level and taught me something new.   

Speaking of laughing, remember that anything that gets the whole family laughing is probably a good place to start.  Remember the goal is to laugh with one another, not at each other.  Laughing is a huge way to relieve stress and can be contagious.  Watch a funny movie together, read a book of jokes together, tell funny stories about when you were a kid, tell funny stories about when your kids were babies.  Kids love to hear stories about themselves when they were little.  Remember to build family jokes that are specific to your family and then bring those up when everyone needs a little stress relief.

Make family dinners fun!  There are some great ways to have fun at the dinner table.  Have a night when everything you serve is finger foods and no silverware is used.  If you are really brave, serve a regular meal without silverware.  Do a meal in reverse, eating dessert first.  Or better yet, just have dessert for the meal.  Do a progressive dinner, where you start at one restaurant or house and eat a course and then move to another place for the next course.  Let the kids plan, shop, and help cook a meal.  Put food coloring in something (for example, make green mashed potatoes or red oatmeal).  Do the switch-a-roo, everyone order something different for dinner and then switch plates half way, a third of the way, or a fourth of the way through the meal. 

Be silly and spontaneous!  Sometimes as adults we become very task oriented and serious.  Do something completely out of character for you and see if it doesn’t get a laugh or smile out of the rest of the family.  Make a funny face when they aren’t expecting it, use silly voices when you are reading to them, put your clothes on inside out or backwards, have a pj day, get them up at midnight and make milkshakes.

Remember, when people are engaging in something fun they are more willing to try something they have never tried before and to be less critical of themselves.  Trying new things helps to build confidence.  Trying something new with others strengthens bonds and attachments.

For more suggestions on ways to engage in family fun, build confident children, additional ways to strengthen and support your family, and for other great parenting tips call the Family Support Line at 1-800-CHILDREN (800-244-5373) OR 1-866-Las-Familias (866-527-3264) for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail stacy@FamiliesFirstColorado.org with questions or concerns. Check us out on Facebook, at Families First Colorado.  The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.

THE TWO ESSENTIAL SKILLS EVERY DAD NEEDS (by Dave Taylor)

In honor of Father’s Day, a special guest post from single-dad Dave Taylor from GoFatherhood.com

THE TWO ESSENTIAL SKILLS EVERY DAD NEEDS (by Dave Taylor)

Nothing has been so profound in my life than the day my first child was born. Suddenly I went from being an adult focused primarily on myself to being a caretaker, protector and guardian to a tiny little creature, a baby so helpless that she couldn't speak, couldn't communicate her needs, and couldn't give me encouragement when I did the right thing or feedback when I was doing something wrong.

Contrary to popular belief, however, I don't think that men are born with the "great Dad gene", so learning how to go from being a typical self-absorbed adult to being an attentive, nurturing father involves effort. It involves you being able to accept criticism, ponder your behaviors, remember the good (and bad) of your own childhood, and expend effort - sometimes a lot of effort - to change who you are and how you interact with the world.

Don't worry, women aren't born with the "great Mom gene" either, by the way. They're just way better at talking about what's difficult with their pals, sharing their ups and downs, and learning through childhood play how to nurture and coddle a baby. Yup, the sad truth: while we boys were busy practicing for battle, the girls were practicing to eventually be moms. Oops. 

Still, you can learn how to be a great Dad and with three kids of my own (16,13, and 9) I figure I have a combined 38 years of parenting upon which to base my advice. Since I'm a single Dad and have been for over six of those years, it's really like a 2x multiplier, so I'm giving myself credit for 50 parenting years. We good with that? Cool.

Based on all that accumulated parenting experience, I believe that the two most essential skills that any good Dad can acquire and nurture are: LISTENING and EMPATHY.

If you're like me, you live your life at a pretty fast pace. Emails, text messages, phone calls, it's often hurry up, I've got three more things I need to deal with. That can be fun and there's a certain sense of satisfaction when lots of things can be managed simultaneously, but that's exactly the wrong approach to take with your children.

It's like that idiotic myth of "quality time". That's BS. What your kids need at all ages is ATTENTION. In large doses. That's the basis of LISTENING and the reality is that if you're busy texting your colleagues, setting up a tee time or skimming the latest spreadsheet from the boss, you're not paying attention to your children. Whether you take them to the park or are helping them with homework, they need to be front and center.

A radical experiment: when you're spending time with your children, put your devices away. Really. Unless you're a trauma doc on call, email from the boss (or wife, or girlfriend) can wait 30min or an hour. Remember that golden rule you learned in school? Model to your children the behavior you'd like to have them exhibit towards you too. (that's why I have specific acceptable cell phone use times for my teens: I hate talking to the top of their head while they're texting friends as much as I imagine they hate me doing the same thing).

Attention is important, but the reason you want to give them undivided attention is so you can LISTEN to what they're telling you. Buried in that stream of babble and trivia about their daily lives are their concerns about school, friends, family, the future, the drama of their existence, the reality of their lives. If you're not actually listening, paying attention and processing what they're telling you, they'll just learn to shut up. When they hit those teen years you'll be long since shut out and they'll be isolated or just find someone else who listens. Perhaps Mom, perhaps some gang-banger in the 'hood, perhaps that creepy old guy down the street.

The harder skill to learn is EMPATHY, however. It's one thing to listen to your children tell you what's going on, the problems they're having with the class bully or their first crush and how the teacher yelled at them even though they were innocent of the crime, but another skill entirely to CARE about what they're telling you.

I know, I know, you're busy negotiating a $5mil deal for work and a problem's come up, all while your son is telling you how he hates baseball because he can't hit the darn ball when he's at bat. His problems? Just as big to him as yours are to you. That's where you get to work on that key Dad skill: being able to take a deep breath, get out of your own world and recognize that to your son, being a better baseball player might actually be life and death important. It's certainly just as important to him as being able to close the deal is for you.

Quite frankly, empathy is something I had in short supply when I first because a father. With a crying newborn and little experience around babies (moms have us beat in that department because they socialize with other moms + babies and babysit as teens, while we're out working on our cars) I found the experience of a newborn both astonishing -- it's MY baby! -- and frustrating as heck, since I had no idea why she'd be crying, upset, irritable, not sleeping.

Here's the good news: Empathy is not only a beneficial skill for parenting, it's a good skill to have in life overall. It'll help you understand why Joe in accounting is so depressed about his cat dying even though you personally hate cats, why your sister Mary refuses to speak to Uncle Bill even though you and Uncle Bill get along splendidly, and why your daughter's tattered shoes really are a big, big deal in her world.

So there you have it, my advice for how to be a great dad on this Father's Day: learn how to LISTEN and EMPATHIZE with your children. Oh, and remember to be silly and have fun with them. Children are such a blessing, such an amazing addition to your life. Don't forget to enjoy it!

Dave Taylor has been writing about parenting and fatherhood for over a decade and maintains the popular GoFatherhood.com site where he writes about his experiences as a single dad to three wonderful children. He's also a well-known tech expert and film critic, and is completely unsurprised his kids love movies and gadgets too. Find him online at DaveTaylorOnline.com.

For additional ways to support your family and for other great parenting tips call the Family Support Line at 1-800-CHILDREN (800-244-5373) OR 1-866-Las-Familias (866-527-3264) for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail stacy@FamiliesFirstColorado.org with questions or concerns. The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.

Preventing or Decreasing Long-term Problems in Children

Parents/primary caregivers are the most important advocate for their children in all areas of their development, including social-emotional.  May is Mental Health Awareness month.     Children as young as newborns can have social-emotional issues.  Research shows, behavior problems that surface in early childhood are the single best predictor for several long-term outcomes, such as adolescent delinquency, gang involvement, incarceration, substance abuse, divorce, unemployment (Center for Evidence-Based Practice: Young Children with Challenging Behaviors, 2004).  The good news is that there are many preventative and early intervention programs available to help head off mental health issues in young children or to help lessen the intensity of the problems a child may experience. 

The following are some red flags that may indicate that a child could benefit from an assessment.  It should be noted that one or two red flags alone does not necessarily mean a child is having a mental health issue, but it does mean further observation, discussion, and evaluation may be indicated. 

-          Developmental concerns.

-          Not giving eye contact with primary caregiver(s).

-          Over or under reactivity to pain. 

-          Does not allowing soothing from primary caregivers when hurt or upset.  Does not engage in self-soothing behaviors.

-          Has problems with affection, becomes rigid when picked up/cuddled/touched or turns head away when being feed.  Does not initiate affection with those close to them.

-          Overly friendly with strangers.

-          Ongoing sleep and/or feeding issues.

-          Acting out behaviors such as, fire setting, excessive lying, or stealing.  Routinely tantrums or rages for more than 15 minutes for no apparent reason.

-          Intentional cruelty to animals or younger/weaker children.

-          Development of nervous or anxious behaviors that persist, including being easily startled or frightened.  Or routinely crying for 15 or minutes after separated from primary caregiver.

-          Play issues, such as withdraw or avoids playing with other children.  Lack of explorative behaviors/play.

-          Repetitive behaviors

If you are seeing any of these signs or symptoms in your children, regardless of how young they are please talk to your child’s health care provider or your local mental health center.  You can also call 1-800-Children, where we can help direct you to other resources and support.   

For additional ways to support your family and for other great parenting tips call the Family Support Line at 1-800-CHILDREN (800-244-5373) OR 1-866-Las-Familias (866-527-3264) for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail stacy@FamiliesFirstColorado.org with questions or concerns. The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.

Mother’s Day (By Stacy Hladek)

Mother’s Day is May 12^th, that is a week from this Sunday.  There are likely to be lots of articles to suggest ways to honor your mom or help your children honor their mom.  I would like to take a different approach and speak to moms directly.  Give yourself permission to pat yourself on the back and to take a break.  Parenting is both the toughest and most rewarding job in the world.  This is a good time to remind moms (fathers too) that you have to fill your own bucket before you can fill up others.  Remember the example given on airplanes, you must put your own oxygen mask on before you help others.  If you do not, you are going to pass out and not be helpful to anyone.  In fact, you could hinder someone else as they try to care for you.  Please don’t “pass out” figuratively. 

The emotional temperature in a home is usually set by mom.  “If momma, ain’t happy, ain’t no one happy!”  Often times this phrase is taken to mean mom is in charge and things will go her way or there will be issues for the whole house.  However, I would like to suggest that what it really means, or should mean, is that mom is the barometer in the home.  Research shows that children learn about emotions and how to express them by reflecting how their primary caregiver handles emotions.  Just think about the last time you were tired, isn’t that just the time your toddler decides to throw a huge fit or your teenager was moody for no apparent reason?  It is time for you to take care of you so that you are able to take the best care of the rest of the family. 

Again, I already said pat yourself on the back and give yourself permission to take a break, but it is worth repeating .  Often times, moms have a hard time doing this for themselves.  Treat yourself the way you would your best friend.  Tell your “best friend” to take a break or not to be so hard on herself.  This is also a great way to model self-care for your children. 

I can hear the collective, “yes, but”, now.  Yes, but I don’t have childcare or I don’t have the money.  Try swapping childcare with another mom.  “I will take your kids this Monday, if you will take mine next Monday.”  Just establish the rule that this is for down time, not to go do your spring cleaning or run errands.  Use the extended family.  Aunts, uncles, grandparents, and god parents, are great mentors for our kids and are often more than willing to keep the kids for an hour or two.  Take a nap or hot bath while the kids are napping.  Make an arrangement with your partner for one night a week to be their night to care for the kids or one weekend day a month for you to get to sleep in while the rest of the family goes to get donuts.  Check with your local churches and community centers, they often have a mother’s day out program that is free or very low cost. 

Figure out what your favorite way to re-charge is and then work on a plan to make that happen at least once a month.  In doing so, you will be and even better mom.  Healthy, happy moms tend to raise healthy, happy children.  Happy Mother’s Day and thank you for all the little things you do each day to raise our future!

For more suggestions on how to take good care of yourself, emotional competency in children, additional ways to support your family and for other great parenting tips call the Family Support Line at 1-800-CHILDREN (800-244-5373) OR 1-866-Las-Familias (866-527-3264) for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail stacy@familiesfirstcolorado.org with questions or concerns. The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.

How to Handle Biting in Young Children

I recently spent an afternoon with a good friend, who has a toddler.  While we were talking about parenting she told me her son has started biting his baby brother.  My friend said nothing she or her husband had tried is working.  Her son bit another child at childcare this week for the first time

Biting is a behavior that many toddlers display at one time or another.  It can be something that makes the adults feel frustrated and helpless.  There is hope! 

Whenever a child is having a behavioral issue adults should start by increasing positive interactions with the child, such as catching them being good, increasing affection, and increased praise.  Often times this will be all that is needed to decrease the negative behaviors.

If the biting continues to be an issue the next step is to try to prevent the biting.  Give the child a teething toy that can be used to bite on when needed.  Also increase adult supervision when the child is around other children.  Do not keep the child from interacting with other children, but make sure the adult is close and can help with the interactions.

What to do when a child does bite someone else:

1.)    The child who was hurt gets the attention.  Make a big deal about their owwie, hug them, give them an ice pack, or wash the hurt body part.  The child that was aggressive should be kept in eye sight so that he is not going off and hurting another child, family pet, or himself.

2.)    Once the above is completed, the adult should take the child who was aggressive gently but firmly by the hand and remove him from the situation.  One brief statement such as “teeth are not for biting” and then no other words or attention should be given to the child.  The adult should use a firm voice, but not yell or raise their voice.

3.)    The child should be away from everyone else for a minute or two, but in eye sight of an adult. 

4.)    Once he is calm, the adult will give him a hug or pat. 

5.)    As soon as the child who was hurt is ready and the child who was aggressive is being safe, and adult should help the two make-up. 

For more ideas on aggressive behaviors in children of all ages, ways to support your family, and other parenting tips call the Family Support Line at 1-800-CHILDREN (800-244-5373) OR 1-866-Las-Familias (866-527-3264) for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail stacy@FamiliesFirstColorado.org with questions or concerns. The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe the adult(s) raising the child is the expert on that child and knows what is best for their family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.

Kids and Technology

Did you know that you could have a stranger in your home right at this moment that you are completely unaware is present?  If you or anyone in your home is communicating online or through texting with someone you do not know personally, then you are opening your home to a stranger.  Technology can be a wonderful tool, but it also can open our families, our children included, to new dangers.

A recent poll indicated that 90 percent of middle and high school student have a cell phone.  With the growth in technology and the growth in the number of youth using the technology, parents need to add new parenting tools to their tool box.  It is important that parents are teaching their children the appropriate way to use the technology and then to routinely monitor to ensure their children are doing so.  A local principal sent out an email with great parenting tips regarding cell phone usage, I have added a few ideas of my own.     

• Technology contract- Prior to the child being given a device let them know what the expectations are and how you plan to monitor their usage.  It might be helpful to put this agreement in writing and get signatures from your child.  If they already have one of these items you can still implement a contract.    
• Technology schedules- Devices, including cell phones, should be checked in with parents at bedtime to prevent children communicating through the night.  Often times it may not be your child that is initiating contact after bedtime, but if a friend does it may still disrupt your child’s sleep. 
• Building Accountability-Parents should have username and passwords for all of their kid’s devices and accounts.  This should be checked routinely to ensure that your child has not changed the passwords without telling you. Randomly monitor all of their technology.  Make sure you are reviewing their text messages, emails, etc.  Check the time they send them, who they are corresponding with, and what they are messaging.  Check the browser history on the internet browser.  See what web sites your child has been visiting.  If your child is checking their devices in at night, parents can easily check the daily activity. 
• Social networking- Check their social network accounts.  If your child tells you they don’t have a Facebook account, it is possible they are not telling you the truth.  Almost every middle school and high school student has a Facebook account, instagram account, or some other social network account that we may not have heard of.  Review their postings, get your own account and use the parent controls. 
• Photos and videos- Check the photos and video files on your child’s devices.  Make sure there is nothing inappropriate.  And if there is, discuss with them the ramifications of taking some of the photos/videos they might be taking.  Check their instagram photos.  This is where kids post pictures on the web and make comments about photos.  It is important that kids understand that once a photo is posted online or sent in a text message it is in cyberspace forever. 
• Apps- Check the Apps they download.  Make sure they are appropriate apps, and take the time to know what the apps do.  Many apps that kids download are for adults and have tracking devices on them.  There are social network apps and dating apps that track the location of the phone.  There are no filters or restrictions when kids download an app.  It is important to ensure no one is tracking your child. 
• IPods and gaming systems- Did you know that iPods now have a camera that takes photos and videos?  IPods and many gaming systems, including the hand held ones, are also able to make phone calls and access the internet now.  Make sure to check all their devices. 

For more suggestions on using technology safely, additional ways to support your family and for other great parenting tips call the Family Support Line at 1-800-CHILDREN (800-244-5373) OR 1-866-Las-Familias (866-527-3264) for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail Sarah@FamiliesFirstColorado.org with questions or concerns. The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.

One Big Happy Family.

One Big Happy Family:

How do we achieve happiness as a family, especially when you consider varying personalities, interests and communication styles? Not to mention different genders and ages, two-adult homes and one-adult homes? I recently read an article based on a book by Bruce Feiler on this very topic. He introduces some interesting facts and concepts I think worthy of sharing. In our incredibly fast paced lives, full of stress and worry how do we find peace at home?

I think most people have heard how beneficial sharing family dinner together  can be. But an alternative to that can be other meals and snacks, such as breakfast or evening when everyone is more likely to be home. It can be difficult to get children’s attention and have meaningful conversation and a car ride can be a quiet and uninterrupted time to do so. Turn off the radio and electronics and use this time for some one-on-one time.  Surveys show that children want their parents to be less stressed and tired, even more than spending time together. Having a conversation about life’s expectations, stresses, self-care and how to cope can be very valuable for children. Another suggestion for effective conversation is to arrange your living area in a circle. People feel more connected and can take in verbal and body language best from this distance range and formation.  Plan a family meeting or discuss current conflict in this setting.

The most common time of day for conflict is dinner time. To avoid or minimize conflict, set expectations in terms of what time dinner is and who is responsible for what chores in meal preparation and clean-up. Set rules for what can and cannot be discussed at family meal time. Any sensitive or emotionally charged topics can be planned for another time outside of meal time. It is recommended that children be involved in choosing and planning their own consequences inside choices that parents set. A child is more invested when they have some control and responsibility in discipline. An interesting bit of research suggests that when there is difficult parent-child discussions it is often helpful to have more than one female involved. The article states reason being, that females are typically more sensitive to everyone’s input, more capable of reaching compromise and more efficient.

The good news is that research shows most families ARE happy! 75% say that family is the most important thing to them and 85% say that the family they have today is as close as or closer than the family they grew up in! Which areas can you improve for your family to achieve greater happiness?

 For more suggestions on improving happiness in your family, additional ways to support your family and for other great parenting tips call the Family Support Line at 1-800-CHILDREN (800-244-5373) OR 1-866-Las-Familias (866-527-3264) for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail Sarah@FamiliesFirstColorado.org with questions or concerns. The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.

We will never have all the answers...

Talking to your kids about violence, trauma and loss:
 Many, many people have and will be affected from this horrific morning in Conneticut where our most precious, our most innocent have been slain. No words are entirely adequate, however here are a few tips to support parents and caregivers during these extremely difficult times.
     All people experience trauma and hearing about trauma differently. Here some suggestions for talking to your kids about what they hear on the news and from friends and how to address common fears and concerns: “The American Humane Association offers these tips for parents and other caregivers to help children cope with the fear and uncertainty caused by the Connecticut school shootings: 
* Keep an eye on children’s emotional reactions. Talk to children – and just as important – listen to them. Encourage kids to express how they feel and ask if anything is worrying them.
* Regardless of age, reassure them frequently of their safety and security, and reinforce that you, local officials, and their communities are working to keep them safe. Older children may seem more capable, but can also be affected.
* Keep your descriptions to children simple and limit their exposure to graphic information. Keep to the basic facts that something bad happened but that they are safe. Use words they can understand and avoid technical details and terms such as “smoke grenades” and “sniper.”
 * Limit their access to television and radio news reports since young children may have trouble processing the enormity of the experience, and sometimes believe that each news report may be a new attack. * Be prepared for children to ask if such violence can occur to them. Do not lie but repeat that it is very unlikely and that you are there to keep them safe.
* Watch for symptoms of stress, including clinginess, stomachaches, headaches, nightmares, trouble eating or sleeping, or changes in behavior.
* If you are concerned about the way your children are responding, consult your doctor, school counselor or local mental health professional.”
For more ideas on talking to your children about violence, tragedy and loss and for  more ways to support your family and for other parenting tips call the Family Support Line at 1-800-CHILDREN (800-244-5373) OR 1-866-Las-Familias (866-527-3264) for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail Sarah@FamiliesFirstColorado.org with questions or concerns. The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.

An Attitude of Gratitude.

With many families still struggling and even those who are not, this is an appropriate time of year to teach an attitude of gratitude.  It may be easy for kids to focus on what they don’t have or won’t get, especially compared to those of their peers. Regardless of a families’ financial situation it is helpful  to use the holidays as a time to teach family values. Any gift, whether big or small, can come from the heart keeping the recipient in mind. So what values are important to you and your family?

The holidays are considered by many to be a time of excess. Teaching anything in moderation, to include gift giving, is a valuable lesson for all. This is a lesson in quality versus quantity and with the idea of thoughtful and mindfulness at heart. For families in financial struggle this may be a time to teach humility and the idea of thankfulness for what is as opposed to what isn’t. It can be an attitude of gratitude that there IS something in the glass at all, and whether it is half-empty or half-full is irrelevant. For any family, it is important to teach and model attitudes of acceptance and non-judgment towards others. Just because a family may be currently struggling does not mean they are lazy, ungrateful, or dependent. We do not know anyone’s circumstances based on what we see from the outside.  And lastly, an attitude of genuine kindness can go a long way this season, being kind to yourself as well as to others!

For more great ideas on talking to your about the holidays, stress, giving,  more ways to support your family and for other great parenting tips call the Family Support Line at 1-800-CHILDREN (800-244-5373) OR 1-866-Las-Familias (866-527-3264) for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail Sarah@FamiliesFirstColorado.org with questions or concerns. The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.