Mud

Claire Poole, PsyD
Families First Children's Treatment Center Clinical Director

My mother had a simple and effective go-to parenting strategy - go outside and play. "Outside" was the most important part, and my father contributed to the plan by setting aside a little corner in the yard for me to dig in the dirt and make mud. The other kids with their shiny new indoor toys were envious of my mud. To the intuitive mind of the child, this made perfect sense.

As with a lot of psychology, science is now catching up to the intuitively obvious. In recent years there has been an increasing stream of research showing that time spent in nature is good for the mind and body; my intuition tells me it is good for the soul as well. A walk in the park does more to lower blood pressure and stress than an equally strenuous walk on the treadmill. Grade school students in classrooms with windows do better than they do in rooms without windows, and when the window opens up on a garden or even a shrubbery the effect is more pronounced. Families who spend leisure time together in natural surroundings get along better and report higher levels of satisfaction in family life. Sailors on submarines who line up for the chance to see birds and the coastline through the periscope are more efficient and less stressed. Treatment programs for teens struggling with substance abuse, delinquency, or depression often include wilderness treks with positive effects. There is a long list of similar research findings.

This really shouldn’t surprise us. Through the ages wise men and prophets, from Moses and Lao Tzu, to St. Thomas and the Buddha, to Thoreau and Muir, have sought guidance and inspiration in the wild. When most families lived in a tribe, a village, or on a farm the natural world was part of daily existence. It has been like that for 10,000 years and more. In the modern world, really for just the last few generations, a great many people spend their entire lives without ever playing in the mud. I remember being in Grand Central Station in New York and realizing with a start that most of the people there had never seen the stars except for those painted on the station's ceiling. When was the last time you gazed at the Milky Way?

So here's my point. Let's turn off the TV, put down the tablet, and take our kids outside for a walk in the woods. It's good for them, good for the family, even good for the planet. And take it from me, mud squishing through your toes is one of life's little pleasures not to be missed.


For more great parenting tips, parenting resources, suggestions or support call the Families First Support Line at 1-877-695-7996 OR 1-866-527-3264 for Spanish-speaking parents. You can also e-mail SupportLine@FamiliesFirstColorado.org with questions or concerns. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.

The Importance of Fathers in Their Children’s Lives

If you knew there was one thing our nation could do to improve every area of a child’s development, would you be in support of that one thing?  Research shows children that have involvement from both a father and mother perform better in all developmental areas.  Children need their fathers to be involved.  For far too long, our country has seen fathers at best as an add-on to what mothers provide for children and in some cases fatherhood has been discounted altogether. 

Families First, Colorado Dads and the state of Colorado value the vital role fathers play in the lives of children.  The Colorado Fatherhood Council, in conjunction with Families First, is holding five Fatherhood Forums across the state this month to share information regarding the Council becoming a Practitioner’s Network as well as to obtain additional input regarding the needs and assets that can be mobilized to promote fatherhood services in Colorado.

In addition, these meetings will try to find additional people to help plan and participate in a Leadership Summit on Fatherhood and/or to be involved in the practitioner’s network.  If you would like to participate in one of these forums please register by going to this link: http://e2.ma/click/jzq7g/jzixfv/vsxdhb.

In the meantime, take a look at some of the research that clearly shows the importance of fathers in all areas of a child’s life and development.  Here are just a few of the stats that can be found online:

Children do better academically when their fathers are involved in their lives.  For example, highly involved biological fathers had children who were 43% more likely than other children to earn mostly A’s and 33% less likely than other children to repeat a grade.  They are also 70% less likely to drop out of school.  Source:  U.S. Department of Education Study 2001

Children with more involved fathers experienced fewer behavioral problems and scored higher on reading achievement.  Source:  Howard, K.S., Burke Lefever, J.E., Borkowski, J.G., & Whitman, T.L. (2006).  Fathers’ influence in the lives of children with adolescent mothers.  Journal of Family Psychology, 20, 468-476.

Children have less high risk behaviors when their fathers are involved.  Even in high crime neighborhoods, 90% of children from stable 2 parent homes where the Father is involved do not become delinquents.  Source: Development and Psychopathology 1993

Adolescent girls raised in a 2 parent home with involved Fathers are significantly less likely to be sexually active than girls raised without involved Fathers.  Source: Journal of Marriage and Family, 1994

Father involvement is important for all ages.  Even very young children who have experienced high father involvement show an increase in curiosity and in problem solving capacity.  Fathers’ involvement seems to encourage children’s exploration of the world around them and confidence in their ability to solve problems.  Source:  Pruett, Kyle D. 2000. Fatherneed:  Why Father Care is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child.  New York:  Free Press.

Child Welfare Information Gateway summed it up this way; studies suggest that fathers who are involved, nurturing and playful with their infants have children with higher IQs, as well as better language and cognitive skills.  “Toddlers with involved fathers go on to start school with higher levels of academic readiness.  They are more patient and can handle the stresses and frustrations associated with schooling more readily than children with less involved fathers”.  They go on to state, “One study of school-aged children found that children with good relationships with their fathers were less likely to experience depression, to exhibit disruptive behavior, or to lie and were more likely to exhibit pro-social behavior.  This same study found that boys with involved fathers had fewer school behavior problems and that girls had stronger self-esteem.  In addition, numerous studies have found that children who live with their fathers are more likely to have good physical and emotional health, to achieve academically and to avoid drugs, violence and delinquent behavior”.

If you want to have an impact on children and their future, please share the message of the importance of fathers and mothers in the lives of children.  Come on Colorado, let’s champion the cause of Fatherhood!

For more information on Fatherhood Programs, father involvement and additional ways to support your family and for other great parenting tips call the Family Support Line at 303-695-7996 OR 1-866-Las-Familias (866-527-3264) for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail stacy@FamiliesFirstColorado.org with questions or concerns. Check us out on Facebook at Families First Colorado.  The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.

Midnight Milkshakes, Blanket Forts, and Other Family Fun

One of the best ways to develop relationships and build confidence is to have fun together as a family.  I just discovered there is a month long celebration aimed at that very thing, strengthening families and building healthy, confident kids.  National Family Month is exactly what it sounds like, a celebration of family.   It runs annually from Mother's Day to Father's Day. 

An easy way to have fun with your kids is to remember what you enjoyed when you were their age and then do it with them.  Blow bubbles, fly a kite, build a blanket fort, play marbles, have a water fight, play tag, climb a tree, lay in the yard and watch the stars.  There are so many options that are free or low cost, but will have a huge return on your investment.

One of my fondest memories of my dad is of him getting on the floor with me and teaching me how to play jacks.  Picture this, a large Army Sergeant, who was also a third degree black belt in Karate, sitting on the floor with a seven-year-old in pigtails.  Quite the picture, makes most people laugh, but it left a huge impact on me.  It made me feel special and showed me that he really cared when he got down on my level and taught me something new.   

Speaking of laughing, remember that anything that gets the whole family laughing is probably a good place to start.  Remember the goal is to laugh with one another, not at each other.  Laughing is a huge way to relieve stress and can be contagious.  Watch a funny movie together, read a book of jokes together, tell funny stories about when you were a kid, tell funny stories about when your kids were babies.  Kids love to hear stories about themselves when they were little.  Remember to build family jokes that are specific to your family and then bring those up when everyone needs a little stress relief.

Make family dinners fun!  There are some great ways to have fun at the dinner table.  Have a night when everything you serve is finger foods and no silverware is used.  If you are really brave, serve a regular meal without silverware.  Do a meal in reverse, eating dessert first.  Or better yet, just have dessert for the meal.  Do a progressive dinner, where you start at one restaurant or house and eat a course and then move to another place for the next course.  Let the kids plan, shop, and help cook a meal.  Put food coloring in something (for example, make green mashed potatoes or red oatmeal).  Do the switch-a-roo, everyone order something different for dinner and then switch plates half way, a third of the way, or a fourth of the way through the meal. 

Be silly and spontaneous!  Sometimes as adults we become very task oriented and serious.  Do something completely out of character for you and see if it doesn’t get a laugh or smile out of the rest of the family.  Make a funny face when they aren’t expecting it, use silly voices when you are reading to them, put your clothes on inside out or backwards, have a pj day, get them up at midnight and make milkshakes.

Remember, when people are engaging in something fun they are more willing to try something they have never tried before and to be less critical of themselves.  Trying new things helps to build confidence.  Trying something new with others strengthens bonds and attachments.

For more suggestions on ways to engage in family fun, build confident children, additional ways to strengthen and support your family, and for other great parenting tips call the Family Support Line at 1-800-CHILDREN (800-244-5373) OR 1-866-Las-Familias (866-527-3264) for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail stacy@FamiliesFirstColorado.org with questions or concerns. Check us out on Facebook, at Families First Colorado.  The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.

Preventing or Decreasing Long-term Problems in Children

Parents/primary caregivers are the most important advocate for their children in all areas of their development, including social-emotional.  May is Mental Health Awareness month.     Children as young as newborns can have social-emotional issues.  Research shows, behavior problems that surface in early childhood are the single best predictor for several long-term outcomes, such as adolescent delinquency, gang involvement, incarceration, substance abuse, divorce, unemployment (Center for Evidence-Based Practice: Young Children with Challenging Behaviors, 2004).  The good news is that there are many preventative and early intervention programs available to help head off mental health issues in young children or to help lessen the intensity of the problems a child may experience. 

The following are some red flags that may indicate that a child could benefit from an assessment.  It should be noted that one or two red flags alone does not necessarily mean a child is having a mental health issue, but it does mean further observation, discussion, and evaluation may be indicated. 

-          Developmental concerns.

-          Not giving eye contact with primary caregiver(s).

-          Over or under reactivity to pain. 

-          Does not allowing soothing from primary caregivers when hurt or upset.  Does not engage in self-soothing behaviors.

-          Has problems with affection, becomes rigid when picked up/cuddled/touched or turns head away when being feed.  Does not initiate affection with those close to them.

-          Overly friendly with strangers.

-          Ongoing sleep and/or feeding issues.

-          Acting out behaviors such as, fire setting, excessive lying, or stealing.  Routinely tantrums or rages for more than 15 minutes for no apparent reason.

-          Intentional cruelty to animals or younger/weaker children.

-          Development of nervous or anxious behaviors that persist, including being easily startled or frightened.  Or routinely crying for 15 or minutes after separated from primary caregiver.

-          Play issues, such as withdraw or avoids playing with other children.  Lack of explorative behaviors/play.

-          Repetitive behaviors

If you are seeing any of these signs or symptoms in your children, regardless of how young they are please talk to your child’s health care provider or your local mental health center.  You can also call 1-800-Children, where we can help direct you to other resources and support.   

For additional ways to support your family and for other great parenting tips call the Family Support Line at 1-800-CHILDREN (800-244-5373) OR 1-866-Las-Familias (866-527-3264) for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail stacy@FamiliesFirstColorado.org with questions or concerns. The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.

Mother’s Day (By Stacy Hladek)

Mother’s Day is May 12^th, that is a week from this Sunday.  There are likely to be lots of articles to suggest ways to honor your mom or help your children honor their mom.  I would like to take a different approach and speak to moms directly.  Give yourself permission to pat yourself on the back and to take a break.  Parenting is both the toughest and most rewarding job in the world.  This is a good time to remind moms (fathers too) that you have to fill your own bucket before you can fill up others.  Remember the example given on airplanes, you must put your own oxygen mask on before you help others.  If you do not, you are going to pass out and not be helpful to anyone.  In fact, you could hinder someone else as they try to care for you.  Please don’t “pass out” figuratively. 

The emotional temperature in a home is usually set by mom.  “If momma, ain’t happy, ain’t no one happy!”  Often times this phrase is taken to mean mom is in charge and things will go her way or there will be issues for the whole house.  However, I would like to suggest that what it really means, or should mean, is that mom is the barometer in the home.  Research shows that children learn about emotions and how to express them by reflecting how their primary caregiver handles emotions.  Just think about the last time you were tired, isn’t that just the time your toddler decides to throw a huge fit or your teenager was moody for no apparent reason?  It is time for you to take care of you so that you are able to take the best care of the rest of the family. 

Again, I already said pat yourself on the back and give yourself permission to take a break, but it is worth repeating .  Often times, moms have a hard time doing this for themselves.  Treat yourself the way you would your best friend.  Tell your “best friend” to take a break or not to be so hard on herself.  This is also a great way to model self-care for your children. 

I can hear the collective, “yes, but”, now.  Yes, but I don’t have childcare or I don’t have the money.  Try swapping childcare with another mom.  “I will take your kids this Monday, if you will take mine next Monday.”  Just establish the rule that this is for down time, not to go do your spring cleaning or run errands.  Use the extended family.  Aunts, uncles, grandparents, and god parents, are great mentors for our kids and are often more than willing to keep the kids for an hour or two.  Take a nap or hot bath while the kids are napping.  Make an arrangement with your partner for one night a week to be their night to care for the kids or one weekend day a month for you to get to sleep in while the rest of the family goes to get donuts.  Check with your local churches and community centers, they often have a mother’s day out program that is free or very low cost. 

Figure out what your favorite way to re-charge is and then work on a plan to make that happen at least once a month.  In doing so, you will be and even better mom.  Healthy, happy moms tend to raise healthy, happy children.  Happy Mother’s Day and thank you for all the little things you do each day to raise our future!

For more suggestions on how to take good care of yourself, emotional competency in children, additional ways to support your family and for other great parenting tips call the Family Support Line at 1-800-CHILDREN (800-244-5373) OR 1-866-Las-Familias (866-527-3264) for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail stacy@familiesfirstcolorado.org with questions or concerns. The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.