Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Summer Fun as a Family

The taste of ice cold lemonade, the feeling of the cool grass between your toes, the sounds of children laughing, the smell of sunscreen and chlorine, and seeing your neighbors in their yards… ahh, summer time is finally here! It doesn’t matter your age or what your work schedule looks like, this time of year seems to bring out the fun in most of us. For our kids it is the break they have been looking forward to since New Year. For adults, it reminds us of our own youth and how carefree we felt in the summer. Summer is a great time to reconnect as a family and to strengthen our relationships with each other. Beware, summer is fleeting! Start planning some fun things to do as a family now.

Try some of these suggestions to make some summer family fun of your own:
Sleep under the stars in your own backyard
Have a water fight
Go for a picnic
Play tag
Blow bubbles
Tend a garden
Build a butterfly or fairy garden
Go on a summer nature hunt
Have a hula hoop, jump rope, or basketball throwing contest
Climb a tree
Go play on the slide, swings, merry-go-round at your local park

A tried and true family fun time is available at your local library. Most libraries have at least a summer reading program and many have something several times a week to keep kids of all ages engaged during the summer. Call your local library or visit their website to see what is planned. Many events are for the whole family. In addition, you can always come up with fun things to do as a family around the resources at the library. You can do a reading challenge as a family, borrow movies or music to use as a family, find a cookbook and cook a recipe together, research something at the library and then go do it in real life as a family. Library cards are free. The possibilities with a library card are endless.

Check out your local nature center. They have several activities each season that are free or minimal charge. Kids are amazed at how each visit to the local nature center is a whole new adventure. They will see or discover something new each time they go. Here is a list of the nature center in Colorado. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_nature_centers_in_Colorado.

Speaking of nature, if you live in the Pueblo area there is a great day camp for middle school students through the CSU Extension call Pueblo Youth Naturally. They are always looking for adult volunteers. What a great way to bond with your kids this summer by participate in a camp with them. The cost is $25 for the full week and includes entrance into all outings, transportation to all outings, snacks, and lunch. For more information go to http://pueblo.colostate.edu/pyn/pyn.shtml. If you live in other parts of the state check with your community colleges, universities and cooperative extensions to see what they are offering this year.

Here in Colorado you can find a list of free events by going to www.freeindenver.com/denver-free-days. You will find list for free days at local museums, the zoo and other attractions, movies in the park, free concert series, etc. The majority of these are in the Denver Metro area, but there are some things listed for other parts of the state if you do not feel like a trip to Denver.

Another great site for the Denver/Boulder areas is http://www.milehighonthecheap.com.

If you are living in the Colorado Springs area check out http://springsbargains.com.

Colorado Parents magazine puts out a list every month of free and low cost family-friendly events around the state. You can find their magazine in various locations across the state, including medical office and restaurants. They also have an online publication at coloradoparent.com, including an annual publication dedicated to “Everything Family”.

These are just a few of the free things you can do to make some family memories this summer. Get out there and remember what you loved about being young and carefree. Kids love to see their parents having fun alongside them.

For more suggestions on ways to have fun and build memories as a family, additional ways to support your family and for other great parenting tips call the Family Support Line at 1-877-695-7996 OR 1-866-Las-Familias (866-527-3264) for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail stacy@FamiliesFirstColorado.org with questions or concerns. Check us out on Facebook at Families First Colorado. The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Inspiring Resilience, Creating Hope

May is National Mental Health Awareness month. We have come a long way as a nation over the last couple of decades in how we view mental health issues, however, we still need to continue to improve the way people with a mental illness are viewed and treated.

Mental health is simply our emotional, mental, and spiritual health. It is just as important as our physical health. In fact, the two go hand-in-hand. It is important for us to realize that people of all ages, race, ethnicity, religion, and incomes are diagnosed with mental health concerns. Nearly every person in America has either had mental health issues at one time in their life or has a close friend or family member who has had mental health issues at some point. The stigma around mental health needs to be broken. Mental health issues should be viewed no differently than physical health issues.

This year’s theme for Mental Health Awareness month is Inspiring Resilience, Creating Hope. There is a great deal of research that has been done in recent years that is showing that resiliency acts as a buffer in all areas of a person’s life, including mental and emotional health. The good news is that resilience is something we are all born with and can be strengthened.

Last month’s blog spoke briefly about parental resilience as one of the protective factors that decreases abuse and neglect and promotes health family relationships. We defined it as the ability to cope with stresses, both the day-to-day stresses, as well as the occasional crisis. This is sometimes described as being a “bounce back” person or family. The same definition applies for resilience in children of all ages.

So, why is being resilient so important? The more resilient a person is the better day-to-day health they have in all areas of their life. Seventy percent of all people will experience at least one trauma in their lifetime. Resiliency helps people deal with the bumps of life, as well as the bigger stressors. It is a good idea to build resiliency before it is needed for a crisis.

There are a number of fairly simple things that adults can do to help promote resilience in children. The number one thing is relationships. Researchers agree that the primary building block for resilience is caring, supportive relationships. Adults can do this by responding to their children’s physical and emotional needs in a timely manner with patience. Another easy way to build relationships is to have fun together. Schedule time every day to get down on the floor or go outside and play with your child.

Adults can also help promote resilience in children by listening and responding to their child in a reflective manner. When your child is talking to you give them your full attention and then make sure to state back to them what you heard them say and any emotions you believe they are experiencing. Then allow your child to confirm or clarify that you got what they were saying and feeling. We all need to be heard and have our feelings supported.

As always, adults can use modeling. It is important for us to model the skills that lead to resilience for our children. We need to make sure our children see us engaging in supportive relationships, having fun, and sharing our thoughts and feelings. These are just a few suggestions for building resilience that you can start working on today for yourself, with your children and in your family, which will lead to improved mental and emotional health.

For more suggestions on ways resilience, additional ways to support your family and for other great parenting tips call the Family Support Line at 1-877-695-7996 OR 1-866-Las-Familias (866-527-3264) for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail stacy@FamiliesFirstColorado.org with questions or concerns. Check us out on Facebook at Families First Colorado. The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.

Thursday, April 24, 2014

"Kids—You Can't Beat 'em."

“Kids-You can’t beat ‘em”, was one of the first logos in 1983, when President Reagan proclaimed April to be the first National Child Abuse Prevention Month. I love the dual meaning of this statement. We can’t be physically aggressive with kids. But equally as important, is the message that there is special value in children. Thirty years later, we continue to promote the value of our children and their families, as well as the fact that every member of the community has a responsibility to help prevent child abuse and neglect.

If you would like information on how to get involved in promoting the value of children and families, give us a call on the Family Support Line, at 877-695-7996 or via email at stacy@FamiliesFirstColorado.org.
Preventing child abuse and neglect can sound like an overwhelming task, but it really comes down to some basic things that we all can do to help strengthen families. Research shows that there are five protective factors that help strengthen families. These factors act like buffers to stress and increase the health and well-being of children and families.

The Protective Factors are:

Concrete Supports for Parents
Social Connections and Emotional Competence
Parental Resilience
Knowledge of Parenting and of Child/Youth Development
Nurturing and Attachment

Denver Human Services did a great campaign this year for April’s Child Abuse Prevention Month that makes it easy to remember the protective factors. It is entitled 5 Ways to Keep Families Stable, Help Kids Thrive and Uphold a Strong Community:

1.) Call for Help!
2.) Surround Yourselves with Friends and Family
3.) Be a Bounce Back Family
4.) Become a Parenting Ace
5.) Help Children Express Themselves

Concrete Supports for Parents, also known as supports for basic needs, is the first protective factor that needs to be addressed. Families need to have their basic needs meet before they can focus on the other factors that will strengthen them. Find these concrete supports for your own family and help other families locate them as well. You can locate these supports within your community in a variety of ways, including local non-profits (such as the Family Support Line at Families First), faith based communities and social service agencies. These groups and agencies will partner with parents to help identify and access resources in the community such as food, clothing, housing, quality childcare, health and dental care, social-emotional services, and variety of other resources.

Another factor is Social Connections and Emotional Competence. This boils down to surrounding yourself and your children with friends and family. It is very important for both adults and children to have Social Connections. When adults have social connections they are modeling for the children around them how to interact with others and their world. The same is true for emotional competence, when we as grown-ups work on our own emotional health; we are modeling emotional wellness for our children. If you do not have supportive friends and family, consider neighbors, spiritual groups, the local child/parent play group, or your child’s school. There are a variety of places to find connections for yourself and your child. If you or another adult you know does not have a support system, consider joining a Parent Support Group. Families First offers Circle of Parents ® Support groups and can also connect you with other support groups across the state.

Parental Resilience is the ability to cope with stresses, both the day-to-day stresses, as well as the occasional crisis. This is sometimes described as being a “bounce back” person or family. Are you able to bounce back when things get tough? The other two Protective Factors we had mentioned, Concrete Support and Social Connections, can both help to increase a person’s resilience. Having someone that can help you talk through a stress increases the chance a person will bounce back from the stress.

The protective factor, Knowledge of Parenting & Child Development is becoming informed as a parent about ways to communicate with your child, set rules and expectations, and provide safe opportunities that promote independence. These things need to be done while taking the child’s current development into consideration. Healthy child development and effective parenting are connected. If you would like to learn more about effective parenting or child development consider attending a parenting class or support group.

The final protective factor is Nurturing and Attachment, last, but not least by any means! In fact, most times this is the first factor listed due to the importance of nurturing and attachment. A child’s early experience of being loved and cared for by a safe, reliable adult has an effect on all aspects of their life. It will determine how they treat others and how they allow others to treat them as they grow into adulthood. Nurturing and attachment are crucial not just when a child is young, but throughout their lives. This can set the stage for the other factors to develop.
These five factors are not only good for the parent-child relationship, but they help to decrease stress on an individual level, as well as a community level. If individuals are less stressed, then their relationships will be less stressed, which will produce a less stressed community as a whole. Pick one factor and work on fine-tuning it to increase your protection against stress. Don’t know where to find the resources, social supports, parenting classes? Need someone to listen when you are stressed or a place to Brainstorm ideas? Call Families First at 877-695-7996 or email us at stacy@FamiliesFirstColorado.org. We would love to help you tackle a protective factor!

We also have a Spanish Family Support Line at 866-527-3264 or maria@FamiliesFirstColroado.org. Check us out on Facebook at Families First Colorado. The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.

Monday, March 24, 2014

Saving the Parent-Teen Relationship

I have recently been talking to one of my close friends regarding parenting struggles he is having with his teenagers. The topic of protecting the parent-teen relationship in the context of setting boundaries and consequences has come up several times. I began to think about how to negotiate the boundaries and consequences all families must have to function effectively, within the parent-teen relationship.

In my friend’s case, he is concerned if he is too strict or pushes too hard he will damage the relationship. However, he has also acknowledged there is a good chance his sons are aware of his fear and use this to their advantage. On the other hand, my friend understands if he is passive he may give the boys the impression that their behaviors are acceptable or that he does not care about the behaviors or them. What is a parent to do?

First, like my friend, acknowledge your own stuff. If you have fears regarding the relationship, what are they? If you are having other strong emotional reactions, why are these arising? Is something reminding you of the way you were parented? Once you take a look at how you are initiating or responding and you label those things, it becomes easier to notice them and begin to address them when they arise within the context of the relationship. If you are really brave and want even more bang for your buck, share your discoveries with others. Consider talking about these things with a friend, your spouse, or even with your teenager. When others see us modeling good communication and self-disclosure, it becomes easier for them to do the same.

Try to get on the same page with the other parent. In a large majority of families the parents tend to be on opposite ends of the parenting spectrum. One will tend towards being very strict and the other will be more passive or lenient. To further complicate things, when the strict one is overly strict, the more passive parent feels bad for the kids and becomes even more lenient. The strict parent sees the passive parent as being “too easy” on the kids, so they up the strict factor. This can be a vicious cycle that is confusing for the kids. The goal is for both parents to come more to the middle of the spectrum, with more consistent behavior between the two parenting styles. This has several benefits; it helps the relationship between the two parents and decreases the possibility the kids can divide and conquer.

Educate yourself on what is developmentally appropriate. For pre-teens and teens it is normal for them to try to stretch their wings. They are going to try new things, consider new ideas and challenge what the adults in their lives believe. This is an important stage that teens go through as they are beginning to develop into their own person. It says a great deal about the strength of the parent-teen relationship when the teen is willing to practice testing limits and comfort levels in the safety of their home and as part of their relationships with their parents. Allow them some space to figure out who they are, what they believe, and who they want to become and then be there to provide a soft, safe place to fall, which undoubtedly will happen.

Really consider the reason behind a rule/boundary. By the time a typically developing child is in their teens the rules/boundaries for them should be few and far between- just those that ensure safety and adherence to the law. It is our goal as the adults in their lives to help them to begin to self-monitor and self-enforce more and more with each year of life. Love and Logic ® puts it well: we are to become more of a consultant to the child the older they become. It is our job to help them begin to make good decisions on their own. After all, we are not going to be there to direct them forever.

There is a huge shift that occurs in most parent-teen relationships when the parents stop directing and come along side as a consultant. Love and Logic ® tells us that consultant-style parenting looks like the following:
1.) Remember consultants don’t force their ideas on the other person. Ask permission to share some ideas or to help your teen brainstorm some ideas.
2.) If your teen declines then let them know they are welcome to come ask for some suggestions if they change their minds.
3.) If they accept your offer, help them to generate a list of options (feel free to add some they may not think of).
4.) Prompt the teen to think about how each option would work by saying something like, “How do you think that will work?” or “How will that likely turn out?”
5.) Allow the teen to try one or more option. Follow-up by asking them how it worked out for them. If it did not work, encourage them to pick another option from the list the two of you generated.
6.) If needed, offer additional suggestions, but remember to honor the fact the teen may decline your assistance.

Allow your teen to feel the consequences for their choices. All too often, we as adults rush to rescue our children from their own choices. It is important that we allow them to learn from their choices. When at all possible, allow natural consequences do the teaching. If there is not a safe natural consequence, use a logical consequence. Be there to support and love them during and after the consequences, but don’t bail them out. Avoid saying or implying that you “told them so.”

One final suggestion: be willing to “lose.” Teens are very good at trying out their newly acquired debating skills. They also are bent on proving they are correct and the adults are wrong. This is a typical stage that most teens go through. My friend recently began taking a class to address parent-child relationships. He said the whole class basically boils down to this: “Sometimes you have to lose to the child to save the relationship.” Please don’t take this as being passive or giving in to the child. Sometimes we have to be willing to admit we are wrong or that there might be a different way to consider/do things. Take advantage of the fact that your teen is younger, is not yet set in their ways and sees the world in a different way than you do.

Most importantly, have fun with those teens. Before you know it they will be adults and no longer under your roof. Challenging as it may be, enjoy this time with them! It is one of the toughest, most important and rewarding jobs you will ever do.

For more suggestions on ways to improve your relationship with your teens, additional ways to support your family and for other great parenting tips call the Family Support Line at 1-877-695-7996 OR 1-866-Las-Familias (866-527-3264) for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail stacy@FamiliesFirstColorado.org with questions or concerns. Check us out on Facebook at Families First Colorado. The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Parent Leadership, One of Our Most Valuable Resources

One of the most valuable resources our society has at our disposable is parent leadership.  February is National Parent Leadership month. Created by Parents Anonymous ® Inc. in 2004, February is set aside to recognize, honor and celebrate parents for their invaluable leadership roles in their homes and communities, as well as state, national and international arenas. This annual event acknowledges the strengths of parents as leaders and promotes awareness about the important roles parents can play in shaping the lives of their families and communities.
The state of Colorado has a variety of Parent Leadership trainings and opportunities.  The opportunities in parent leadership are as diverse as the parents who participate.  Families First has parent leadership opportunities to include participating in our Circle of Parents Support Group or volunteer opportunities to help other parents. 
Organizations, such as Families First, cannot do the work needed in the state without the help of parent leaders.  One of our current volunteers completed a program called the Family Leadership Training Institute (FLTI) and has used the skills she learned to benefit Families First, by helping at events and setting up a parent seminar for the community.  FLTI describes the program as “a first-of-its-kind family civics program”.  This same volunteer is involved in a program called National Charity League (NCL), which has mothers and their children grades 7th-12th serve in a charitable capacity to make a tangible difference in their own communities.  Families First has benefited numerous times over the years from NCL projects.  NCL is not only developing today’s parent leaders, but is helping those leaders develop their children into the next generation of leaders.
Often, as parents, we discount the influence we have on our own children.  We fail to remember our children learn more from what they see us doing then from all the things we tell them to do.  If you want your child to be a leader, they need to see leadership modeled for them.  Children look up to their own parents more than they do any other adult in their lives.  Give them something positive to look up to, get involved as a parent leadership. 
Figure out what your passion as a parent is and find ways to share your passion with other parents and families.  Not only will you be modeling for your children, but you will be helping to make a difference to your relatives, neighbors, communities, state, nation and world.  You will be helping change one family at a time, which in turn changes the future.
For more suggestions on ways to become involved in parent leadership, volunteer at Families First,  additional ways to support your family and for other great parenting tips call the Family Support Line at 1-877-695-7996 OR 1-866-Las-Familias (866-527-3264) for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail stacy@FamiliesFirstColorado.org with questions or concerns. Check us out on Facebook at Families First Colorado.  The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.

Friday, February 14, 2014

The Importance of Fathers in Their Children’s Lives

If you knew there was one thing our nation could do to improve every area of a child’s development, would you be in support of that one thing?  Research shows children that have involvement from both a father and mother perform better in all developmental areas.  Children need their fathers to be involved.  For far too long, our country has seen fathers at best as an add-on to what mothers provide for children and in some cases fatherhood has been discounted altogether. 
Families First, Colorado Dads and the state of Colorado value the vital role fathers play in the lives of children.  The Colorado Fatherhood Council, in conjunction with Families First, is holding five Fatherhood Forums across the state this month to share information regarding the Council becoming a Practitioner’s Network as well as to obtain additional input regarding the needs and assets that can be mobilized to promote fatherhood services in Colorado.
In addition, these meetings will try to find additional people to help plan and participate in a Leadership Summit on Fatherhood and/or to be involved in the practitioner’s network.  If you would like to participate in one of these forums please register by going to this link: http://e2.ma/click/jzq7g/jzixfv/vsxdhb.
In the meantime, take a look at some of the research that clearly shows the importance of fathers in all areas of a child’s life and development.  Here are just a few of the stats that can be found online:
Children do better academically when their fathers are involved in their lives.  For example, highly involved biological fathers had children who were 43% more likely than other children to earn mostly A’s and 33% less likely than other children to repeat a grade.  They are also 70% less likely to drop out of school.  Source:  U.S. Department of Education Study 2001

Children with more involved fathers experienced fewer behavioral problems and scored higher on reading achievement.  Source:  Howard, K.S., Burke Lefever, J.E., Borkowski, J.G., & Whitman, T.L. (2006).  Fathers’ influence in the lives of children with adolescent mothers.  Journal of Family Psychology, 20, 468-476.

Children have less high risk behaviors when their fathers are involved.  Even in high crime neighborhoods, 90% of children from stable 2 parent homes where the Father is involved do not become delinquents.  Source: Development and Psychopathology 1993

Adolescent girls raised in a 2 parent home with involved Fathers are significantly less likely to be sexually active than girls raised without involved Fathers.  Source: Journal of Marriage and Family, 1994

Father involvement is important for all ages.  Even very young children who have experienced high father involvement show an increase in curiosity and in problem solving capacity.  Fathers’ involvement seems to encourage children’s exploration of the world around them and confidence in their ability to solve problems.  Source:  Pruett, Kyle D. 2000. Fatherneed:  Why Father Care is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child.  New York:  Free Press.

Child Welfare Information Gateway summed it up this way; studies suggest that fathers who are involved, nurturing and playful with their infants have children with higher IQs, as well as better language and cognitive skills.  “Toddlers with involved fathers go on to start school with higher levels of academic readiness.  They are more patient and can handle the stresses and frustrations associated with schooling more readily than children with less involved fathers”.  They go on to state, “One study of school-aged children found that children with good relationships with their fathers were less likely to experience depression, to exhibit disruptive behavior, or to lie and were more likely to exhibit pro-social behavior.  This same study found that boys with involved fathers had fewer school behavior problems and that girls had stronger self-esteem.  In addition, numerous studies have found that children who live with their fathers are more likely to have good physical and emotional health, to achieve academically and to avoid drugs, violence and delinquent behavior”.

If you want to have an impact on children and their future, please share the message of the importance of fathers and mothers in the lives of children.  Come on Colorado, let’s champion the cause of Fatherhood!

For more information on Fatherhood Programs, father involvement and additional ways to support your family and for other great parenting tips call the Family Support Line at 303-695-7996 OR 1-866-Las-Familias (866-527-3264) for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail stacy@FamiliesFirstColorado.org with questions or concerns. Check us out on Facebook at Families First Colorado.  The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.