Friday, December 14, 2012

We will never have all the answers...

Talking to your kids about violence, trauma and loss:
 Many, many people have and will be affected from this horrific morning in Conneticut where our most precious, our most innocent have been slain. No words are entirely adequate, however here are a few tips to support parents and caregivers during these extremely difficult times.
     All people experience trauma and hearing about trauma differently. Here some suggestions for talking to your kids about what they hear on the news and from friends and how to address common fears and concerns: “The American Humane Association offers these tips for parents and other caregivers to help children cope with the fear and uncertainty caused by the Connecticut school shootings: 
* Keep an eye on children’s emotional reactions. Talk to children – and just as important – listen to them. Encourage kids to express how they feel and ask if anything is worrying them.
* Regardless of age, reassure them frequently of their safety and security, and reinforce that you, local officials, and their communities are working to keep them safe. Older children may seem more capable, but can also be affected.
* Keep your descriptions to children simple and limit their exposure to graphic information. Keep to the basic facts that something bad happened but that they are safe. Use words they can understand and avoid technical details and terms such as “smoke grenades” and “sniper.”
 * Limit their access to television and radio news reports since young children may have trouble processing the enormity of the experience, and sometimes believe that each news report may be a new attack. * Be prepared for children to ask if such violence can occur to them. Do not lie but repeat that it is very unlikely and that you are there to keep them safe.
* Watch for symptoms of stress, including clinginess, stomachaches, headaches, nightmares, trouble eating or sleeping, or changes in behavior.
* If you are concerned about the way your children are responding, consult your doctor, school counselor or local mental health professional.”
For more ideas on talking to your children about violence, tragedy and loss and for  more ways to support your family and for other parenting tips call the Family Support Line at 1-800-CHILDREN (800-244-5373) OR 1-866-Las-Familias (866-527-3264) for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail Sarah@FamiliesFirstColorado.org with questions or concerns. The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.

Friday, December 7, 2012

An Attitude of Gratitude.

With many families still struggling and even those who are not, this is an appropriate time of year to teach an attitude of gratitude.  It may be easy for kids to focus on what they don’t have or won’t get, especially compared to those of their peers. Regardless of a families’ financial situation it is helpful  to use the holidays as a time to teach family values. Any gift, whether big or small, can come from the heart keeping the recipient in mind. So what values are important to you and your family?
The holidays are considered by many to be a time of excess. Teaching anything in moderation, to include gift giving, is a valuable lesson for all. This is a lesson in quality versus quantity and with the idea of thoughtful and mindfulness at heart. For families in financial struggle this may be a time to teach humility and the idea of thankfulness for what is as opposed to what isn’t. It can be an attitude of gratitude that there IS something in the glass at all, and whether it is half-empty or half-full is irrelevant. For any family, it is important to teach and model attitudes of acceptance and non-judgment towards others. Just because a family may be currently struggling does not mean they are lazy, ungrateful, or dependent. We do not know anyone’s circumstances based on what we see from the outside.  And lastly, an attitude of genuine kindness can go a long way this season, being kind to yourself as well as to others!

For more great ideas on talking to your about the holidays, stress, giving,  more ways to support your family and for other great parenting tips call the Family Support Line at 1-800-CHILDREN (800-244-5373) OR 1-866-Las-Familias (866-527-3264) for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail Sarah@FamiliesFirstColorado.org with questions or concerns. The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Choices.

With the recent Presidential elections I’m thinking a lot about the power of choice, our actions and consequences of those actions. As parents we are the ones able to vote in government elections, but how do our kids get a vote or have a say? And how do we prepare the future generation of voters to consider their responsibilities as citizens, to appropriately voice their own thoughts and opinions and to consider the costs of those decisions?
                Meal time and car time are great opportunities for this type of family discussion. Many people recommend family meals occur at least 2-3 times per week and, remember, these can be at breakfast not just dinner! Car time is valuable as well when phones, music and DVD players are turned off. Give your kids the chance to ‘vote’ on current family topics. This might be a time to consider reallocating chores, meal or entertainment choices. Discuss how democracy works and other forms of government. Are your kids members of Congress and you are the President with the ultimate veto power? These discussions are great ways to find out what’s on kid’s minds and what they value and think passionately about. This also gives kids the chance to be heard and feel empowered knowing that their opinion holds some weight in the family.
                In addition, and on a broader scale, there are life lessons to be learned about having a voice. All choices, decisions and actions have consequences. Consequences may be positive or negative. We can only control what we do, we cannot control the outcome. By making better decisions and choices we weight in our favor the chances of positive outcomes. Teaching your kids they have choices, even the choice to do nothing, empowers them to have a vote in any situation they may be involved in. These lessons can improve self-respect, self-control, positive motivation and living by intention instead of by accident.  As always, role modeling how your own opinion is voiced and sharing some of the consequences you have experienced is one of the most valuable messages of all.
For more great ideas on talking to your kids about government, community, personal responsibility and more ways to support your family and for other great parenting tips call the Family Support Line at 1-800-CHILDREN (800-244-5373) OR 1-866-Las-Familias (866-527-3264) for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail Sarah@FamiliesFirstColorado.org with questions or concerns. The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

School readiness; are you, the parent ready?

At this point in September most of our children are settled back in school. How about the parents? It is common for kids to experience varying anxieties as school nears. It may be the first day jitters, middle-school transition or new peer pressures in high school. It is also common for parents to experience worries of their own. Today’s parents are faced with a number of school issues regarding their children. Parents may be concerned about the child’s readiness to start school, their ability to socialize and manage their peers, the influence from technology and media, facing change or experiencing separation. Each of these can be overwhelming for children AND parents to deal with.
 It is important that at the same time you are talking to your child about coping with changes, that you address your own anxieties. A sound support system is one way to do this. Forming a team at your child’s school and getting to know not only the teachers, but staff such as; administration, school counselors, special education leaders and the principal can be most helpful during the early school years. Find other parents of similarly aged children and talk about fears and challenges. Reach out to your community such as religious groups, family and extended family and community service organizations.  Parent s may need as much support as our students to get off to a great start and to work toward a solid educational foundation. We are all part of team, which ones will you join?!
For more ways to support your family and for other great parenting tips call the Family Support Line at 1-800-CHILDREN (800-244-5373) OR 1-866-Las-Familias (866-527-3264) for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail Sarah@FamiliesFirstColorado.org with questions or concerns. The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.

Friday, July 20, 2012

Dealing with tragedy.

We are in East Denver not 5 miles from the events of last night’s tragedy. Many, many people have and will be affected from this horrific night. All people experience trauma and hearing about trauma differently. Below are some suggestions for talking to your kids about what they hear on the news and from friends and how to address common fears and concerns:

“The American Humane Association offers these tips for parents and other caregivers to help children cope with the fear and uncertainty caused by the Aurora theater shooting tragedy:
* Keep an eye on children’s emotional reactions. Talk to children – and just as important – listen to them. Encourage kids to express how they feel and ask if anything is worrying them.
* Regardless of age, reassure them frequently of their safety and security, and reinforce that you, local officials, and their communities are working to keep them safe. Older children may seem more capable, but can also be affected.
* Keep your descriptions to children simple and limit their exposure to graphic information. Keep to the basic facts that something bad happened but that they are safe. Use words they can understand and avoid technical details and terms such as “smoke grenades” and “sniper.”
* Limit their access to television and radio news reports since young children may have trouble processing the enormity of the experience, and sometimes believe that each news report may be a new attack.
* Be prepared for children to ask if such violence can occur to them. Do not lie but repeat that it is very unlikely and that you are there to keep them safe.
* Watch for symptoms of stress, including clinginess, stomachaches, headaches, nightmares, trouble eating or sleeping, or changes in behavior.
* If you are concerned about the way your children are responding, consult your doctor, school counselor or local mental health professional.”

For more ways to support your family and other great parenting tips call the Family Support Line at 1-800-CHILDREN (800-244-5373) OR 1-866-Las-Familias (866-527-3264) for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail Sarah@FamiliesFirstColorado.org with questions or concerns. The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the best person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Dads are Parents Too.

Dads are Parents Too.
In honor of Father’s Day and all fathers, I wanted to write a bit about their importance.
I recently learned a new term. It is called “father-void” homes. A father-void home is one where there is an identified father but he has no presence in the home or in the lives of his children. This is compared to “father-less” homes which in the past has meant “no father to be found.” In most cases, there are father’s, they just may not be present, involved or engaged. We have learned a lot about father-void homes and the typically negative impact it has on children.
The Center on Fathering created a list of “Benefits of Involved Fathering” (November, 2006). The research shows that children are much more successful academically and have a higher likelihood of going to college when a father is involved.  Involved dads have a positive correlation to reduced adolescent pregnancy. These children are less likely to engage in criminal activities or abuse drugs and alcohol. Father involvement is the strongest parent-related predictor in the development of empathy.  It is also strongly associated with the development of problem-solving behavior and reduced sibling conflict and aggression. Boys and girls tend to grow up more open-minded about what men and women are capable of doing and less likely to adhere to sex-stereotyped perceptions. Direct father involvement even effects premature infant development in terms of weight gain and quicker discharges. Children with two loving, involved parents benefit from the wealth of each parent’s life experiences!
Over the years I have seen the value of raising children in a 2 (or more!) adult home. The impact of a father’s love is powerful and lasts a lifetime. Father’s influence growth and development from very early on and help to form a child’s identity, relationship patterns, decision-making, role identification and to teach life lessons and experiences. I actively promote anything we can do as a society to engage Father’s, reduce isolation and increase support. It certainly takes a village…Happy Father’s Day!
For more ways to support dads and other great parenting tips call the Family Support Line 1-800-CHILDREN (800-244-5373) OR 1-866-Las-Familias for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail Sarah@FamiliesFirstColorado.org with questions or concerns. The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Personal Economy

Our country continues to be in a strained economy. These past few years have been a humbling experience for me and my children. And while it has been a stressful time, many good things have come of it. We have found ways to do without, redefined our true needs and have a better understanding of what are our priorities. For example, in our family, we value time together now more than ever. And through difficult times we have grown closer and work much better as a team.
It is important, that at times like these, we continue to build that team. Now is a great time to learn about and understand our local resources. In uncertain and unfamiliar times it is also important to reach out for support. This support may go beyond your immediate family and may include extended family, friends and neighbors, church, mental health professionals, school, support groups, community resources and telephone help lines. It is beneficial to discover that other people have had or are having similar situations and to learn how others have learned to cope and adjust.
So many people have been faced with new challenges in these changing times and have been forced to find new ways to manage.  Some are faced with unemployment, foreclosure, moving away from family, changing schools, adjusting to a new lifestyle, or simply finding a new way of doing things. I heard an interesting term recently called a “personal economy”. This idea is founded on not only personal finances but focuses on assigning new and improved value to things and the people in our lives. It is reestablishing the economics in your household, both literally and figuratively. This is a great dinner time discussion to have with your family, consider some of the following; “What do we enjoy doing?”  “Is there another, less expensive way to enjoy that same thing” “Is there something new we would like to try” “What do we have time to do now that we didn’t have time to do before?”  “What do we actually need versus what do we ‘want’?” Come together as a team to define your personal economy and utilize your external supports and resources to do so. This creates familial strength and resiliency!
For other great tips about talking to your kids call… 1-800-CHILDREN(800-244-5373) or e-mail 
 Sarah@FamiliesFirstColorado.org . For support in Spanish please call 1-866-LAS FAMILIAS.  Both Family Support Lines offer parenting tips, community resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Talking to your kids ‘around’ current events.

Quite frequently there are topics in the news that prompt rigorous dinner table discussion. While some of the news items are not children-appropriate; many times there are general concepts you can pull from the story to make it relevant to your family. There is a recent story getting a lot of publicity and generating considerable outrage. This blog is not intended to get into the ‘right or wrong’ of those issues, but instead to help generate ideas that stimulate healthy conversation.
It is important to encourage conversation around judging too quickly, stereotyping and how we perceive people. We have all been guilty of judging too quickly. Talk to your kids about the hazards of this and the importance of gaining more information about someone or getting to know them better before making hasty decisions about who they are or what their background might be. Help them understand what a stereotype is and how harmful stereotypes can be. Get your child to think about how they would feel if someone made snap judgments about them based on superficial traits or characteristics.  You can demonstrate this to an extreme by saying “What if someone didn’t like you because of the freckle on your left cheek and didn’t like ALL people with freckles on their left cheek? That would be ridiculous wouldn’t it?” This is so ludicrous it helps to demonstrate a strong and valid point.
As a result of the incident in Florida, people are showing both their support and dismay in a variety of ways. You can use this story as an opportunity to talk about expressing passion, both thoughts and emotions, and what it means to stand for a cause you feel is important. What subjects ignite a spark in your child? Is it human or animal rights? Environmental or political concerns? Is it the current economy or perhaps the upcoming presidential elections? By encouraging your child to take appropriate action for causes they believe in, teaches them compassion and leaves them feeling empowered.  As parents, the most effective way to demonstrate healthy communication and standing up for what you believe in is to role model the same yourself.
For other great tips about talking to your kids call… 1-800-CHILDREN(800-244-5373) or e-mail 
 Sarah@FamiliesFirstColorado.org . For support in Spanish please call 1-866-LAS FAMILIAS.  Both Family Support Lines offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Compassionate Parenting.

Why strive to be a compassionate parent? Most parents would agree it is important to be loving and nurturing toward our children. Compassion means to have sympathy for the suffering of others and may also mean to have a desire to help. This fits perfectly with parenting.  A compassionate parent has sympathy for a child’s challenges with a desire to help the child overcome his or her struggles. Along with compassion it’s important to show empathy. Tell your child that you understand what they are feeling, give an example of a time you felt the same way and explain how you overcame that situation. Help your child explore his or her options and find solutions. Children feel empowered when they can contribute to and control their choices.
The benefit of compassionate parenting is to role model healthy and kind behavior, to strengthen communication and to continue to further bond with your child. A child can’t know compassion if they aren’t shown compassion. The character of compassion is a powerful one, as it allows you to learn to care for others, but also to learn to have compassion for yourself.

We look forward to connecting with you and serving many more Colorado families! If you have a parenting question or concern, e-mail or call us NOW @ Sarah@FamiliesFirstColorado.org or 1-800-CHILDREN(800-244-5373). The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Introducing Families First Blog. A blog for strong families!

We at Families First are excited to announce the first posting of our new blog, “Families First. A blog for strong families.”   This blog is an online article written particularly for parents and caregivers. You can look forward to lots of great tips, problems you can relate to and solutions you can use and funny stories to help keep your sense of humor! For those that don’t know, we also have a Family Support Line which is a toll-free, Colorado statewide line, available 7 days a week. Simply call 1-800-CHILDREN (800-244-5373). For our Spanish speakers please dial 1-866-527-3264.  In addition to providing a safe place to call and share your questions or concerns, we offer wonderful community resources, parenting classes and Circle of Parent’s® peer support groups. In the near future, watch for blog topics such as compassion toward your child, information on typical youth and parental development, parental courage, community participation and family health and well-being.
We look forward to connecting with you and serving many more Colorado families! If you have a parenting question or concern, e-mail or call us NOW @ Sarah@FamiliesFirstColorado.org or 1-800-CHILDREN(800-244-5373). The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice.