Mud

Claire Poole, PsyD
Families First Children's Treatment Center Clinical Director

My mother had a simple and effective go-to parenting strategy - go outside and play. "Outside" was the most important part, and my father contributed to the plan by setting aside a little corner in the yard for me to dig in the dirt and make mud. The other kids with their shiny new indoor toys were envious of my mud. To the intuitive mind of the child, this made perfect sense.

As with a lot of psychology, science is now catching up to the intuitively obvious. In recent years there has been an increasing stream of research showing that time spent in nature is good for the mind and body; my intuition tells me it is good for the soul as well. A walk in the park does more to lower blood pressure and stress than an equally strenuous walk on the treadmill. Grade school students in classrooms with windows do better than they do in rooms without windows, and when the window opens up on a garden or even a shrubbery the effect is more pronounced. Families who spend leisure time together in natural surroundings get along better and report higher levels of satisfaction in family life. Sailors on submarines who line up for the chance to see birds and the coastline through the periscope are more efficient and less stressed. Treatment programs for teens struggling with substance abuse, delinquency, or depression often include wilderness treks with positive effects. There is a long list of similar research findings.

This really shouldn’t surprise us. Through the ages wise men and prophets, from Moses and Lao Tzu, to St. Thomas and the Buddha, to Thoreau and Muir, have sought guidance and inspiration in the wild. When most families lived in a tribe, a village, or on a farm the natural world was part of daily existence. It has been like that for 10,000 years and more. In the modern world, really for just the last few generations, a great many people spend their entire lives without ever playing in the mud. I remember being in Grand Central Station in New York and realizing with a start that most of the people there had never seen the stars except for those painted on the station's ceiling. When was the last time you gazed at the Milky Way?

So here's my point. Let's turn off the TV, put down the tablet, and take our kids outside for a walk in the woods. It's good for them, good for the family, even good for the planet. And take it from me, mud squishing through your toes is one of life's little pleasures not to be missed.


For more great parenting tips, parenting resources, suggestions or support call the Families First Support Line at 1-877-695-7996 OR 1-866-527-3264 for Spanish-speaking parents. You can also e-mail SupportLine@FamiliesFirstColorado.org with questions or concerns. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.

Inspiring Resilience, Creating Hope

May is National Mental Health Awareness month. We have come a long way as a nation over the last couple of decades in how we view mental health issues, however, we still need to continue to improve the way people with a mental illness are viewed and treated.

Mental health is simply our emotional, mental, and spiritual health. It is just as important as our physical health. In fact, the two go hand-in-hand. It is important for us to realize that people of all ages, race, ethnicity, religion, and incomes are diagnosed with mental health concerns. Nearly every person in America has either had mental health issues at one time in their life or has a close friend or family member who has had mental health issues at some point. The stigma around mental health needs to be broken. Mental health issues should be viewed no differently than physical health issues.

This year’s theme for Mental Health Awareness month is Inspiring Resilience, Creating Hope. There is a great deal of research that has been done in recent years that is showing that resiliency acts as a buffer in all areas of a person’s life, including mental and emotional health. The good news is that resilience is something we are all born with and can be strengthened.

Last month’s blog spoke briefly about parental resilience as one of the protective factors that decreases abuse and neglect and promotes health family relationships. We defined it as the ability to cope with stresses, both the day-to-day stresses, as well as the occasional crisis. This is sometimes described as being a “bounce back” person or family. The same definition applies for resilience in children of all ages.

So, why is being resilient so important? The more resilient a person is the better day-to-day health they have in all areas of their life. Seventy percent of all people will experience at least one trauma in their lifetime. Resiliency helps people deal with the bumps of life, as well as the bigger stressors. It is a good idea to build resiliency before it is needed for a crisis.

There are a number of fairly simple things that adults can do to help promote resilience in children. The number one thing is relationships. Researchers agree that the primary building block for resilience is caring, supportive relationships. Adults can do this by responding to their children’s physical and emotional needs in a timely manner with patience. Another easy way to build relationships is to have fun together. Schedule time every day to get down on the floor or go outside and play with your child.

Adults can also help promote resilience in children by listening and responding to their child in a reflective manner. When your child is talking to you give them your full attention and then make sure to state back to them what you heard them say and any emotions you believe they are experiencing. Then allow your child to confirm or clarify that you got what they were saying and feeling. We all need to be heard and have our feelings supported.

As always, adults can use modeling. It is important for us to model the skills that lead to resilience for our children. We need to make sure our children see us engaging in supportive relationships, having fun, and sharing our thoughts and feelings. These are just a few suggestions for building resilience that you can start working on today for yourself, with your children and in your family, which will lead to improved mental and emotional health.

For more suggestions on ways resilience, additional ways to support your family and for other great parenting tips call the Family Support Line at 1-877-695-7996 OR 1-866-Las-Familias (866-527-3264) for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail stacy@FamiliesFirstColorado.org with questions or concerns. Check us out on Facebook at Families First Colorado. The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.

The Importance of Fathers in Their Children’s Lives

If you knew there was one thing our nation could do to improve every area of a child’s development, would you be in support of that one thing?  Research shows children that have involvement from both a father and mother perform better in all developmental areas.  Children need their fathers to be involved.  For far too long, our country has seen fathers at best as an add-on to what mothers provide for children and in some cases fatherhood has been discounted altogether. 

Families First, Colorado Dads and the state of Colorado value the vital role fathers play in the lives of children.  The Colorado Fatherhood Council, in conjunction with Families First, is holding five Fatherhood Forums across the state this month to share information regarding the Council becoming a Practitioner’s Network as well as to obtain additional input regarding the needs and assets that can be mobilized to promote fatherhood services in Colorado.

In addition, these meetings will try to find additional people to help plan and participate in a Leadership Summit on Fatherhood and/or to be involved in the practitioner’s network.  If you would like to participate in one of these forums please register by going to this link: http://e2.ma/click/jzq7g/jzixfv/vsxdhb.

In the meantime, take a look at some of the research that clearly shows the importance of fathers in all areas of a child’s life and development.  Here are just a few of the stats that can be found online:

Children do better academically when their fathers are involved in their lives.  For example, highly involved biological fathers had children who were 43% more likely than other children to earn mostly A’s and 33% less likely than other children to repeat a grade.  They are also 70% less likely to drop out of school.  Source:  U.S. Department of Education Study 2001

Children with more involved fathers experienced fewer behavioral problems and scored higher on reading achievement.  Source:  Howard, K.S., Burke Lefever, J.E., Borkowski, J.G., & Whitman, T.L. (2006).  Fathers’ influence in the lives of children with adolescent mothers.  Journal of Family Psychology, 20, 468-476.

Children have less high risk behaviors when their fathers are involved.  Even in high crime neighborhoods, 90% of children from stable 2 parent homes where the Father is involved do not become delinquents.  Source: Development and Psychopathology 1993

Adolescent girls raised in a 2 parent home with involved Fathers are significantly less likely to be sexually active than girls raised without involved Fathers.  Source: Journal of Marriage and Family, 1994

Father involvement is important for all ages.  Even very young children who have experienced high father involvement show an increase in curiosity and in problem solving capacity.  Fathers’ involvement seems to encourage children’s exploration of the world around them and confidence in their ability to solve problems.  Source:  Pruett, Kyle D. 2000. Fatherneed:  Why Father Care is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child.  New York:  Free Press.

Child Welfare Information Gateway summed it up this way; studies suggest that fathers who are involved, nurturing and playful with their infants have children with higher IQs, as well as better language and cognitive skills.  “Toddlers with involved fathers go on to start school with higher levels of academic readiness.  They are more patient and can handle the stresses and frustrations associated with schooling more readily than children with less involved fathers”.  They go on to state, “One study of school-aged children found that children with good relationships with their fathers were less likely to experience depression, to exhibit disruptive behavior, or to lie and were more likely to exhibit pro-social behavior.  This same study found that boys with involved fathers had fewer school behavior problems and that girls had stronger self-esteem.  In addition, numerous studies have found that children who live with their fathers are more likely to have good physical and emotional health, to achieve academically and to avoid drugs, violence and delinquent behavior”.

If you want to have an impact on children and their future, please share the message of the importance of fathers and mothers in the lives of children.  Come on Colorado, let’s champion the cause of Fatherhood!

For more information on Fatherhood Programs, father involvement and additional ways to support your family and for other great parenting tips call the Family Support Line at 303-695-7996 OR 1-866-Las-Familias (866-527-3264) for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail stacy@FamiliesFirstColorado.org with questions or concerns. Check us out on Facebook at Families First Colorado.  The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.

School Avoidance (Part 1 of 2)

We have had three calls to our Family Support Line in the last month related to children refusing to go to school.  It occurred to me that this might be a good topic to address in the blog.  In the twenty years that I have been working with children and families, I have noticed that school avoidance seems to rise around the holidays.  I believe there are a few reasons for the peak in school avoidance around this time of year.  The first is that the semester is finishing up and the stress increase due to projects and tests that are due.  Midterms and finals can be very stressful for students of all ages.  The holidays also tend to bring out stress in most adults and children pick up on our stress levels.  Another reason that school avoidance seems to be up this time of year is due to the school breaks.  It can be especially difficult for a student that has anxiety around school to return after they have had a break for the holidays. 

Be proactive and implement some of the following strategies to try to head off the possibility that your child will develop school avoidance over the holidays:

-          Take good care of yourself and do what you can to make the holidays as stress-free as possible.  I know, “easier said than done”.  But if you start planning now to try to decrease stress, even a bit that will be beneficial for you whole family.

-          Use the holidays as a time to practice self-care and coping skills as a family. 

-          Make sure that you remind your child several times, if not daily, during the break that they will be returning to school after the break.  A good way to do this for younger children is to have a calendar or countdown for when school will start back up.  Also reminding them that parents have to return to work can be helpful.

-          Talk about all the positives about school.  For example, friends, recess, lunch, and whatever subject your child enjoys the most.  Remind them of the adult(s) they look up to the most.

-          Remind your child of their future goals and how important school is to reaching those goals.

-          Remind your child of all the successes they have had in school to this point.

-          Help children that tend to be perfectionist or have a hard time with failure, by reminding them we all have things that we do well and we all have areas we need extra work in.  Point out some of your own strengths and weaknesses.  Let them know they do not have to be perfect or do everything well. 

-          Talk to your child about their feelings regarding school.  This is a good habit to get into not just during the holidays, but on a routine basis. 

-          Make the first day back after holidays as special as you did the first day of school.  Maybe the child can wear a new or favorite outfit to school.  Offer a reward at the end of the school day, such as going to get ice cream or letting them suggest dinner and help prepare it. 

If you believe your child is already experiencing school avoidance, be sure to catch the second part of this article in the next blog. 

For more suggestions on ways to make the holidays less stressful, reduce the chance of school avoidance, additional ways to support your family and for other great parenting tips call the Family Support Line at 1-800-CHILDREN (800-244-5373) OR 1-866-Las-Familias (866-527-3264) for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail stacy@FamiliesFirstColorado.org with questions or concerns. Check us out on Facebook at Families First Colorado.  The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.

Midnight Milkshakes, Blanket Forts, and Other Family Fun

One of the best ways to develop relationships and build confidence is to have fun together as a family.  I just discovered there is a month long celebration aimed at that very thing, strengthening families and building healthy, confident kids.  National Family Month is exactly what it sounds like, a celebration of family.   It runs annually from Mother's Day to Father's Day. 

An easy way to have fun with your kids is to remember what you enjoyed when you were their age and then do it with them.  Blow bubbles, fly a kite, build a blanket fort, play marbles, have a water fight, play tag, climb a tree, lay in the yard and watch the stars.  There are so many options that are free or low cost, but will have a huge return on your investment.

One of my fondest memories of my dad is of him getting on the floor with me and teaching me how to play jacks.  Picture this, a large Army Sergeant, who was also a third degree black belt in Karate, sitting on the floor with a seven-year-old in pigtails.  Quite the picture, makes most people laugh, but it left a huge impact on me.  It made me feel special and showed me that he really cared when he got down on my level and taught me something new.   

Speaking of laughing, remember that anything that gets the whole family laughing is probably a good place to start.  Remember the goal is to laugh with one another, not at each other.  Laughing is a huge way to relieve stress and can be contagious.  Watch a funny movie together, read a book of jokes together, tell funny stories about when you were a kid, tell funny stories about when your kids were babies.  Kids love to hear stories about themselves when they were little.  Remember to build family jokes that are specific to your family and then bring those up when everyone needs a little stress relief.

Make family dinners fun!  There are some great ways to have fun at the dinner table.  Have a night when everything you serve is finger foods and no silverware is used.  If you are really brave, serve a regular meal without silverware.  Do a meal in reverse, eating dessert first.  Or better yet, just have dessert for the meal.  Do a progressive dinner, where you start at one restaurant or house and eat a course and then move to another place for the next course.  Let the kids plan, shop, and help cook a meal.  Put food coloring in something (for example, make green mashed potatoes or red oatmeal).  Do the switch-a-roo, everyone order something different for dinner and then switch plates half way, a third of the way, or a fourth of the way through the meal. 

Be silly and spontaneous!  Sometimes as adults we become very task oriented and serious.  Do something completely out of character for you and see if it doesn’t get a laugh or smile out of the rest of the family.  Make a funny face when they aren’t expecting it, use silly voices when you are reading to them, put your clothes on inside out or backwards, have a pj day, get them up at midnight and make milkshakes.

Remember, when people are engaging in something fun they are more willing to try something they have never tried before and to be less critical of themselves.  Trying new things helps to build confidence.  Trying something new with others strengthens bonds and attachments.

For more suggestions on ways to engage in family fun, build confident children, additional ways to strengthen and support your family, and for other great parenting tips call the Family Support Line at 1-800-CHILDREN (800-244-5373) OR 1-866-Las-Familias (866-527-3264) for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail stacy@FamiliesFirstColorado.org with questions or concerns. Check us out on Facebook, at Families First Colorado.  The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.