The Importance of Fathers in Their Children’s Lives

If you knew there was one thing our nation could do to improve every area of a child’s development, would you be in support of that one thing?  Research shows children that have involvement from both a father and mother perform better in all developmental areas.  Children need their fathers to be involved.  For far too long, our country has seen fathers at best as an add-on to what mothers provide for children and in some cases fatherhood has been discounted altogether. 

Families First, Colorado Dads and the state of Colorado value the vital role fathers play in the lives of children.  The Colorado Fatherhood Council, in conjunction with Families First, is holding five Fatherhood Forums across the state this month to share information regarding the Council becoming a Practitioner’s Network as well as to obtain additional input regarding the needs and assets that can be mobilized to promote fatherhood services in Colorado.

In addition, these meetings will try to find additional people to help plan and participate in a Leadership Summit on Fatherhood and/or to be involved in the practitioner’s network.  If you would like to participate in one of these forums please register by going to this link: http://e2.ma/click/jzq7g/jzixfv/vsxdhb.

In the meantime, take a look at some of the research that clearly shows the importance of fathers in all areas of a child’s life and development.  Here are just a few of the stats that can be found online:

Children do better academically when their fathers are involved in their lives.  For example, highly involved biological fathers had children who were 43% more likely than other children to earn mostly A’s and 33% less likely than other children to repeat a grade.  They are also 70% less likely to drop out of school.  Source:  U.S. Department of Education Study 2001

Children with more involved fathers experienced fewer behavioral problems and scored higher on reading achievement.  Source:  Howard, K.S., Burke Lefever, J.E., Borkowski, J.G., & Whitman, T.L. (2006).  Fathers’ influence in the lives of children with adolescent mothers.  Journal of Family Psychology, 20, 468-476.

Children have less high risk behaviors when their fathers are involved.  Even in high crime neighborhoods, 90% of children from stable 2 parent homes where the Father is involved do not become delinquents.  Source: Development and Psychopathology 1993

Adolescent girls raised in a 2 parent home with involved Fathers are significantly less likely to be sexually active than girls raised without involved Fathers.  Source: Journal of Marriage and Family, 1994

Father involvement is important for all ages.  Even very young children who have experienced high father involvement show an increase in curiosity and in problem solving capacity.  Fathers’ involvement seems to encourage children’s exploration of the world around them and confidence in their ability to solve problems.  Source:  Pruett, Kyle D. 2000. Fatherneed:  Why Father Care is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child.  New York:  Free Press.

Child Welfare Information Gateway summed it up this way; studies suggest that fathers who are involved, nurturing and playful with their infants have children with higher IQs, as well as better language and cognitive skills.  “Toddlers with involved fathers go on to start school with higher levels of academic readiness.  They are more patient and can handle the stresses and frustrations associated with schooling more readily than children with less involved fathers”.  They go on to state, “One study of school-aged children found that children with good relationships with their fathers were less likely to experience depression, to exhibit disruptive behavior, or to lie and were more likely to exhibit pro-social behavior.  This same study found that boys with involved fathers had fewer school behavior problems and that girls had stronger self-esteem.  In addition, numerous studies have found that children who live with their fathers are more likely to have good physical and emotional health, to achieve academically and to avoid drugs, violence and delinquent behavior”.

If you want to have an impact on children and their future, please share the message of the importance of fathers and mothers in the lives of children.  Come on Colorado, let’s champion the cause of Fatherhood!

For more information on Fatherhood Programs, father involvement and additional ways to support your family and for other great parenting tips call the Family Support Line at 303-695-7996 OR 1-866-Las-Familias (866-527-3264) for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail stacy@FamiliesFirstColorado.org with questions or concerns. Check us out on Facebook at Families First Colorado.  The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.

School Avoidance (Part 2 of 2)

As I mentioned in my previous blog, we have had an increase in calls to our Family Support Line related to children refusing to go to school.  If you did not read the previous blog, it would be a good place to start regarding general information on heading off school avoidance in children. 

What is school avoidance?  The website, Human Illnesses, defined school avoidance as “when children and teens repeatedly stay home from school or are repeatedly sent home from school, because of emotional problems or because of aches and pains that are caused by emotions or stress and not by medical illness”.  School avoidance, also referred to as school phobia or school refusal, occurs in approximately 2-5% of school age children.  It is most common in 5-6 year olds and 10-11 year olds. 

Typical behaviors for a child or teen that has school avoidance is for them to come up with reasons not to go to school, to complain of physical symptoms shortly before it is time to go to school, or to make repeated visits to the school nurse or counselor once at school, with similar physical complaints.  Often the complaints are vague or non-specific.  In more severe cases, such as school phobia, common physical complaints are aches and pains, headaches, stomach concerns, muscle tension, and dizziness.  In the most severe case of anxiety, students may complain of difficulty breathing and tightening in the chest, which can be an indicator of a panic attack.  The symptoms typically disappear once the child is allowed to go home and during the weekends or over school breaks.  In addition, when the physical complaints are evaluated by a doctor, there is no medical cause found.  

It should be noted that when children and teens complain of physical complaints it should always be assumed that the complaints are legitimate and a medical appointment should be completed to rule out medical issues.  In some severe cases of anxiety, people can develop ulcers and other health issues that should be addressed medically.    It is also important to note, that even if there is no medical problem, the physical complaints are not fake.  The child likely is experience physical discomfort due to emotional distress. 

Other symptoms that can develop in children with school avoidance is an increase in tantrums or tantrums that are not age-appropriate, separation anxiety, defiance, and in some cases other mental health concerns such as depression and obsessive behaviors. 

I often hear parents say that if it weren’t for the school avoidance they would not have any problems with their child.  They state that other than the avoidance the child follows the rules and does not cause problems in the home.  Most children with school avoidance are of average to above average intelligence.  They are often the children that were quiet and shy in school, but were well liked by adults due to the fact that they were not a disturbance in class and would do what they were told to do. 

Why do children/teens develop school avoidance?  Most parents’ initial response is to assume that there is an issue at school.  This may be the case, especially if there is bullying, conflict with a peer or teacher, existing learning disabilities, or fear of failure.  However, often times the avoidance has less to do with the school setting and more to do with the child’s coping skills and/or home environment. 

 In young children, the school avoidance can be due to fact that they are having some separation anxiety from parents and familiar environment.  With young children they are being introduced to a variety of new challenges, new people, and new environments.  In young children the avoidance may be related to concerns regarding potty training and/or using the bathroom in public.

Children of all ages, including teens, can develop avoidance behaviors when there is a major transition, such as change in the family structure (new siblings, older siblings moving out, separation/divorce, remarriage, military deployment, etc.), moves, or new schools.  Often the avoidance will appear when a student is moving from elementary school to middle school or from middle school to high school.

 It is also important to remember that the adult’s emotional stability can also be a factor.  If parent is stressed or depressed the children may pick up on this.  Children will often have avoidance behaviors if a family member has a serious illness as they are afraid something will happen to the loved one while they are away from the home.  This may also occur after a loved one dies.  The child may feel that they have to stay at home or someone else might die.  If there is domestic violence or substance abuse in the home the child may also feel that they need to be home to protect other family members or to help “keep the peace”. 

What can the adults do to help?  First, the adults need to find out what the underlying reason for the avoidance is.  Sometimes the child does not even know the underlying reason and needs help from the adults to figure this out.  Once the reason is determined then the adults can help the child to work on a plan to address the anxiety/fear of going to school.  It is very important to not allow the child to avoid school.  As with all types of anxiety, avoidance causes the problem to become worse, not better.  The longer a child is out of school, the harder it is to return.  A student may need to ease back into school, but they should be going at least a short time every day to start and the time should increase as the days or weeks go by.  Parents can enlist the help of the school to work out a plan for easing a child back into school.  Other professionals who can assist in the plan are the child’s pediatrician and/or mental health professionals.

Adults should not shame the child or make fun of the child for not attending school.  Adults can talk with the student on a regular basis about their feelings and fears as this helps to reduce the fears and stress.  Do not punish the child for avoiding school, but do not inadvertently reward them either.  If the child refuses school and the parent cannot get them there safely, the child should not be allowed to engage in fun activities while at home for the day.  There should be no television, video games, or special treats.  The home environment should be made to be as boring as possible so that it does not reinforce the child’s desire to stay home. 

For more suggestions on ways to address  school avoidance, additional ways to support your family and for other great parenting tips call the Family Support Line at 1-800-CHILDREN (800-244-5373) OR 1-866-Las-Familias (866-527-3264) for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail stacy@FamiliesFirstColorado.org with questions or concerns. Check us out on Facebook at Families First Colorado.  The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.

Food Pranks and Other So Called Summer Fun

Do you know what your kids are doing for summer fun?  Have you heard them talking about food challenges?  Have they mentioned the chubby bunny game, the choking game, or burns?  If you have heard them talking about any of these activities, they may be involved in potentially dangerous activities or know someone else who is involved in risky behaviors.    

The activities listed in this blog can be an issue year-round, however the risk to children and teens during the summer months is increased due to the fact that they often have less adult supervision while school is out.  In addition, they have a great deal of time on their hands.  Add the internet to the mix and you could have an accident waiting to happen.    Remember, to kids these behaviors seem harmless and humorous.  Social media has made light of these behaviors and even promoted them as the “cool” thing to do. 

So, what is a parent to do?  Educate yourself, so you can educate your kids.   The human brain is not completely developed until our early twenties, therefore kids and young adults do not always think through the consequences of their actions.  They often view themselves as invincible, they do not believe anything bad will happen to them and they surely do not believe that they could cause permanent physical damage or death to themselves.  It is our jobs as the adults to educate young people on the consequences of their actions.

Be proactive, have a conversation with your kids about these type of pranks.  A great way to do this is to use an article or news report to bring up the topic.  Use the internet to find some articles on these different challenges.

Pay attention to what your kids are viewing online.  Check their history on their computers, phones, and other electronics.  See our April blog entitled Kids and Technology for additional suggestions in this area.

Listen to what your kids are talking about.  If they are using any of the terms listed in this blog or others you have not heard before, ask them what they mean.  Most kids think these pranks are funny and want to share them with others, even their parents. 

If you find out your child is engaging in these behaviors stay calm.  You want to be the kind of parent that your kid can come talk to.  If you “freak out”, as my kids so lovingly call it, they will be hesitant to tell you things.  Give them the facts about the risks they are taking and let them know you love them and want to keep them safe.  Help them come up with “risk taking” behaviors that are appropriate, such as riding a rollercoaster or engaging in athletics.  Have a discussion with them about what motivates these type of behaviors, such as peer pressure and need to compete for status among their friends.  Help them figure out how to handle those issues in appropriate ways.

Read on to learn more about these type of “games”, pranks, and dares:

In recent months, there has been a great deal of media attention given to The Cinnamon Challenge, after a paper published in the journal Pediatrics indicated that the popular dare has resulted in numerous calls to poison control, asthma attacks in people who have never had asthma before, pneumonia, pulmonary edema (the abnormal build-up of fluid in the lungs), collapsed lungs, permanent lung damage, and some cases in which people have had to be placed on ventilators.  There are several other similar risky challenges and dares that are currently popular and circulating the web. Videos of people trying these stunts may influence your child and their friends.

The Candy Challenge, also known as the Warhead/Sour Patch Challenge, is when someone eats a large quantity of sour candy.  The challenge is to eat more than the person before you.  This challenge results in a bloody tongue and damage to taste buds due to the ascorbic acid in the candy.  In addition, as with any food challenge, there is the potential to choke on the candy.  Other possible concerns would be irritation or damage to the esophagus, stomach upset, and an increase in symptoms of heartburn.

There are other challenges that pose the potential for serious choking hazards. The Cracker/Saltine Challenge has the challenger eat five or more crackers without anything to drink.  The crackers dry out the mouth and make it very difficult to complete the challenge.  In the Chubby Bunny “game” people try to see how many marshmallows they can fit in their mouths before they can no longer say the words "chubby bunny."  This challenge has resulted in documented cases of choking deaths.  There are other similar “games” with other foods, such as bread and grapes. 

There are several different types of Chugging Challenges.  Two of the most popular are the Milk Challenge and the Water Challenge.  In the Milk Challenge the person has to drink a gallon of milk in an hour and then keep the milk down for another hour.  The human stomach can't process an entire gallon of milk in one sitting, so what happens is the person will likely have a severe case of vomiting, diarrhea, cramps, and bloating.  The kind of violent vomiting that comes from this challenge has the potential to damage the stomach lining and could result in a tear or ulceration. 

In the Water Challenge, the challenger drinks as much water as they can, while resisting the urge to go to the bathroom for as long as possible.  Drinking too much water causes fluid imbalance in your cells due to diluting the sodium in the bloodstream.  This does not only cause nausea and headaches, but can lead to brain swelling, respiratory arrest, coma, and death.  The average healthy person should ingest no more than approximately 8 ounces, in roughly an hour so that the body has adequate time to process the water appropriately. 

The Banana Sprite Challenge is to quickly eat two bananas and drink one liter of Sprite without vomiting.  Bananas are highly digestible and leave no space for the gas in the Sprite.  In addition, the potassium in the banana could react with the carbon dioxide in the sprite causing a build up of gas in the stomach causing vomiting.  A similar stunt is the baking soda and vinegar challenge.  The person takes baking soda and vinegar together, which produces gas in the stomach.  When the person vomits they are vomiting the vinegar, which is not good for your throat or lungs if you happen to some.

There are several burn games being promoted on the internet as well.  Such as ice/salt burns, eraser burns, and lighter smiley faces.  All of these challenge the person to prove they can withstand pain.  The ice and salt burn involves wetting an area of skin, covering it with table salt, and applying pressure with an ice cube. Usually, water freezes at 32 degrees Fahrenheit, but adding salt causes the freezing point to drop to as low as zero degrees Fahrenheit. When kids put ice to a salt-covered, moist area of skin, they will experience extreme pain. Depending on how long the ice stays on, there can be blistering, first- or second-degree burns, or even frostbite.

Eraser burns (aka: The ABC Test or The Sissy Test) are caused by using a pencil eraser or chunk eraser and rubbing against their skin until an opening in the skin develops.  The smiley face burn is when a person takes a lighter and keeps it lit so that the metal is extremely hot then presses the top on the lighter to your skin. The burnt imprint is a smiley face.

The problem, that most kids don’t realize, is burns can result in a severe infection. Once the wound begins to heal, they still have an opening (although scabbed) where other bacteria can enter the body and infect them, meaning they have a higher chance of Staph or Strep, skin infections (MRSA, Scalded Skin Syndrome, or Toxic Shock Syndrome),Tetanus (Lock Jaw), and diseases passed by blood and body fluids (Hepatitis and HIV).  NOT every scar heals well and they could be left with a scar for life.

Another so called game, is the Choking Game.  The participants cut off their oxygen supply to create feeling similar to being high. The game is also known as the "fainting game", "seven minutes to heaven", "tapping out" or "sleeper hold".  The person is supposed to relieve the pressure just before losing consciousness.  However, cutting off air supply with belts, ropes, or bare hands, puts kids at risk for brain damage, stroke, and even death.  In addition, if another person is helping with this game they can be held legally liable if the person being choked is injured or dies.  According to the Mayo Clinic, signs that your child is playing the choking game include unexplained bruises around the neck, frequent headaches, bloodshot eyes, and disorientation.  A study published in Pediatrics by the Oregon Health Authority and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention indicated approximately 82 kids ages six to 19 died after playing the choking game, between 1995 and 2007.  It is believed that these numbers may be even higher with the publicity that this game has been getting on social media sites.

The above are just a few of the pranks that kids are engaging in.  The pranks change often and new ones are being added to the list each year.  Keep yourself informed by doing internet searches, talking to your kids, talking to other adults, and keeping up on the media regarding current trends with kids. 

 For more information on  potentially hazardous pranks and ways to address these behaviors, additional ways to support your family and for other great parenting tips call the Family Support Line at 1-800-CHILDREN (800-244-5373) OR 1-866-Las-Familias (866-527-3264) for Spanish speakers. You can also e-mail stacy@FamiliesFirstColorado.org with questions or concerns. Check us out on Facebook at Families First Colorado.  The Family Support Line offers parenting tips, resources and information only and does not serve as legal or mental health advice. We believe you are the paramount person to decide what is best for your family. Comments provided by non-Families First individuals are not the opinion of Families First.